Humbling in Magical Realism

I’m in kind of a weird mood. This weekend we drove upstate with my friend Janine and kayaker Alex. A met us up there and we stayed at the house of Bob, a race organizer, to do a test swim for an event he is hosting in September. It’s a very long swim and it was myself and one other guy as the test swimmers. Had a nice dinner with the team of pizza and salad around a fire pit (very cool) and slept surprisingly well for being in a relative stranger’s house.

The timing was strange to me because we were starting at 5pm, going through the night and then projected to finished the next afternoon/evening. A few other people had done solos over the years and the times were all really slow for some reason. I was pretty confident I could do it, but knew the water would be cold and the night especially would be tough going with air temperatures getting down to 55F (12C) and the water only 65F (18C.) Not comfortable, but safe and doable.

Got up around 9am, took a shower, moved equipment around, packed car, kayak, ate breakfast and then went to the grocery store for more provisions. Picked up the rental boat, re-fueled it at a local marina, zinc-ed up and started the swim. The evening was ridiculously beautiful, perfect pink sunset heading into a lovely night with an almost full moon on one of the longest days of the year. I figured I’d be comfortable until around midnight, which was mostly the case.

In the evening I entered a “flow state” where I felt wonderful and even had the thought that this was exactly what my body is meant to do. Me and the water…the way it’s supposed to be. From there it got colder and there were some cold patches going around islands or outcroppings and it was tough but maybe not as bad as I’d thought. I watched the moon arc across the sky and counted the time in feeds which were every 30 minutes. I still felt good and the time passed relatively quickly.

Around 4am the sky started to get light again and we were treated to an even more beautiful sunrise. Rosy pink and I started to feel more comfortable as the sun came up. After swimming in daylight for about an hour, about 12 hours in, A gave me a briefing during my scheduled feed. He said, “It’s been 12 hours (halfway to the cut-off point) and you are only halfway there. Do you want to continue?”

I was flabbergasted. Usually in 12 hours in flat water I would have covered about 20 miles so I was shocked and disheartened. A said, “I know you are feeling good but you are swimming much slower than usual, and unless you somehow speed up a ton in the next 12 hours, you are not going to make the cut-off time. Do you want to go swim until the cut-off if you’re not going to be able to finish?”

I was devastated but I knew my speed wasn’t going to increase after 12 hours and didn’t see the sense of going through 12 more hours of intense sun if I wasn’t going to complete the swim. Physically I felt great and knew I would be able to finish without a time limit, but just didn’t see the sense in trying to continue on and put my crew through that if we weren’t going to make it and there was no flexibility on time. I got on the boat which really sucked. I was shivering, which is normal, but then A told me that for some reason I had been swimming more slowly than at the very end of my Lake Geneva swim, which was 33 hours! I couldn’t believe it. At that point I was super-worried that something was really wrong with me. Was I sick again? I didn’t understand why I was going so slow when I felt normal, good even. I was really scared and kept it together on the outside but inside I was a mess.

Got back to Bob’s house, scraped off the zinc, and took a quick nap with A. Alex and Janine headed back in Janine’s car and I drove home with A. We stopped at my mom’s house on the way and we ate McDonald’s (I had my twice-a-year craving so they humored me) on my mom’s back porch. That was really nice. Drove home, unloaded the car, dropped off the car, and went to sleep. I was still super worried and freaked out and was searching my brain on how to drop out of all the swims I had for the rest of the summer.

The next day we went back to work and I felt good so we ran a couple of miles and did some dry-land at the gym. The day after that it occurred to me that there was probably a slight current working against me, which would account for the time difference. I did some googling and the lake does flow the opposite way from how we were swimming, which would definitely make for a slight current, particularly in narrower areas. I felt so much better. It’s not 100% confirmed but in retrospect I am pretty sure this is what happened.

My mind started working and the wheels started turning in my head to plan my own swim, in the opposite direction, with the current and with no time limits. This was a test swim so I had to adhere to the organizer’s rules but if that weren’t the case I really felt I would be able to complete in decent conditions. I have another swim scheduled for next week so I will see how that goes and if everything’s okay I will try and plan a redemption swim.

After work I did some shopping, we did laundry, and cleaned the house. Went to gym, then the grocery store, showered, and went to bed. Got up nice and early this morning, went to HIIT class, then yoga, showered at the gym and then straight to work. Got my laptop and phone fixed by IT (had been putting this off forever!) and went to the post office.

A packed an awesome lunch for me of salmon with lemon and chopped up green pepper, cucumber, and tomato. So good. It’s been a productive day and I am feeling better about the world. In the end this was a good exercise in humility. Yes, it was disappointing to not achieve my goal, but I am very lucky to be able to swim 12 hours and feel good and want to do more. I am lucky to have these opportunities, and the support to accomplish most of what I set out to do. So I need to focus on that. I am pretty good about this usually, but this was a good reminder.

Last updated June 22, 2016