When You're NOT In The Mood... in meh...

So you’ve heard about my plight of not wanting people to hang out around me when on the bus. That whole thing.

I try my best to quell my mean thoughts because you never know what someone is going through, right? But that initial reaction I feel when people just gross me out. Ugh…

My morning rides are starting to be way more eventful than I want them to be.

One other morning, this guy started a conversation with me and I thought he was talking about the weather. He was speaking on race relations and then tried to spit to me all life matters. I told him at this particular time it doesn’t look at that way. I told him that black on black crime terminology was a media machine generated phrase and that whites kill each other just as much, but it’s never termed white on white crime. And I was really sensitive that day and was like you don’t have to speak to me to prove you’re okay with black people. I have way more white friends that you probably have black so don’t go there with me.

Today he was on the bus stop. He mentioned something about the humidity and I smiled at him and nodded in agreement then turned my back to him.

Get on the bus and my seat was available, no one surrounding it. I sit and he sits RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. ME. Luckily he exits as soon as he gets on. So we ride down, down, down. At least the air is on today. I’m a fusser and you have NO idea how hard I try to not fuss about stuff. I’m reading my book and then we get to the next person that always sits around me. I survey the area, there is a seat that I hope she takes, and she does. ::fist pump:: This is the lady that coughs at least 3 or 5 times when she’s on. In an enclosed place and I read and watch end of the world by virus type shit, don’t, DON’T sneeze and cough around me. I might scream and do a jump roll off the bus. LOL

Before that, however, there was this woman. Tiny, don’t know if she’s not quite “right” or homeless or what is going on in her life. She gets on the bus and tells the drive she’s going pay him. She sits down, and starts going through her plastic bag which seems to have a smaller plastic bag inside that houses her money. I always look up when new people get on the bus because that’s just what I do then I go back to reading (this is pending no one is making any sound or being weird). So after a while she just kept making all of this rustling noise and it was beginning to piss me off. I look up to see her waving her two dollars in the air like she was drying them off. I don’t know if the stuff in her bag was wet that she had to put on this performance, but that’s what she was doing. Kicking her feet and waving her money. I went back to reading. Then I heard another sound she was making. Looked up and she’s wiping down her legs and feet with a napkin. It wasn’t even a wet wipe. She had two different ones that she used on legs and feet. Then she takes these napkins and wipes the bar with them. I started to get my alcohol based body spray from my purse and squirt the bar! I was like how nasty can you be??? And my face showed it. People hold on to those things for leverage and here she was wiping her foot crusted napkin on it! Then she took another napkin from her bag and proceeded to wipe the bar with that to give it that good once over. Then wiped her nose with THAT so there is really no telling what she did with it before. ::shudders:: I was so totally grossed out. Then she dropped her money. After he got the last nickel from under the seat she wiped a groove in the floor with her finger. I never wanted to be at work so soon in my life.

During all of this, the little short lady got on. She always, ALWAYS sits behind or around me. I really don’t like that packed tuna can feeling being around people like that. I thought she was going to sit in the front but she was just getting her money together. She then, instead of taking an easier seat, moved past me and was breathing all on me. My issue with her is her scent. She is overwhelming. She smells like old coconut oil mixed with sweat. Kind of like what my headbands and head wraps smell like after I’ve sweated a while. I can’t take it. It doesn’t really, stink, but it stinks. And this is everyday.

I ask forgiveness of the universe. Someone could have ill thoughts of me. It’s possible. I don’t like having mean thoughts. I don’t like mean spirited jokes at someone else’s expense. When I was a kid that shit was funny, but I know to well how that really cuts to the quick so I try to be more mindful, but I can’t help what irritates me either.

I’m manic. I sincerely believe that I am just manic.
God help me.

Pray for me. Because I’m trippin…::smh::

Kindest (<—kind of wrong to say that huh?) regards,
Sister