curtains [no not the show] in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so like i said i got new curtains recently. well ok i didn’t personally go out and buy them. no they were already installed in my rm. last night when i got back. on the way back from the school the lady said something about curtains and my room. but i thought she meant. she’d somehow re-arranged the ones i had.not gotten new ones. cause i don’t remember her saying ‘i got new curtains for you’ at all or ‘there are new curtains in your room’. maybe she did and either a i just don’t remember or 2 i wasn’t able to form the memory due to my depression. and if that’s it then.it didn’t happen. well it did but in a way it’s almost like.i wasn’t there when it did. even though. i was. [there]. but w/ my memory at times. or. the other option is she didn’t actually say those words. yeah people have a habit of talking around things. around the topic which sometimes works. but more on that later.
so anyway.the curtains. i don’t like them. they’re too dark. which screws up my circadian rhythm even more. [but more on that later. yes again]. yes i realise it’s her house and she has a right to have it w/e way she wants. and that’s fine. but i’m the one occupying that room. so you know acknowledge me and ask my opinion first.of having new curtains put in before doing so. if it’s the living room/another room i’m not occupying then that’s fine. and maybe she did bring it up i don’t know. and i say ‘maybe’ cause i don’t like to be the person accusing someone of not.having done something like that. of not having brought it up. just bc i don’t remember it if it did in fact happen doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.it just means well.i don’t remember it. i don’t want people to accuse me of doing something/not doing something. at least ask. they might not get an honest answer but at least they’ll have asked. and i don’t know things from her side only from mine. and i don’t know if i would bring it up w/ her knowing me. i mean if it’s not broken then. why break it ya know. why make things worse. if i feel like we’re good then.
when she mentioned it last night she said something about the heat in regards to the curtains. which seems weird cause if dark colors absorb heat then. i’d think it’d be warmer in the room not colder. [also i don’t want the room to be colder i’m really ok w/ how it is. yeah um susie was up in my room on mon. as part of the meeting and she’s like ‘i don’t know how you can stand it’. well to me it’s not that hot probably cause i’m used to it. i spend most of my time in my room. the rest of the house is cold to me. i’m not worried about getting too hot. in that i’m not afraid i’ll get too hot.no i’m afraid i’ll get too cold. i get cold easily and often so no. and i don’t enjoy being cold so it’s not like ‘oh i’m cold but thhis is nice’. no. i’m also smaller, than a lot of people so. which people don’t seem to take into account. that’s only part of it. oh i have news on the meetings me getting my own place.thing but more on that later. once again. i’m starting to tangent. ok so anyway] also i liked how things were. they’re suede if that means anything. the the curtains. i don’t know a whole lot about curtains and curtain fabrics and heat. i’ll look it up or ask Mark so. but if i wasn’t acknowledged in regards to this.then i should’ve been. it only impacts me cause i’m the one occupying the room. it felt like she was taking over.and not even acknowleding that i’m a part of things. it’sthe least she can do given i live w/ her. which is funny cause most of the time she does. yeah but the ‘most of the time’ part isn’t the point. [no cause if it was i wouldn’t have anything to go on about].
so when she told me.w/e it was she told me about the curtains i’m like ‘ok’. not ok as in ‘ok i’m agreeing to this’. [when far as i know i in fact didn’t so. can’t really agree to a decision when you’re not the one making it.it just kindof happens. and i know it’s funny that i’m bothered by this when i’ve made decisions about myself and someone else for them.us. no i know i get it. um]. oh we also didn’t do room checks last night and that was partially why. cause of the whole curtains acknowledgement thing.
yeah so i’m not ok w/ that plan. i won’t say anything to her about it of course. if she does something i like or she has earrings on that i like then i’ll say something. but if i don’t like, w/e then i won’t. see i’m the opposite of a lot of people in that way.well somewhat. some people are both they’ll say something either way. and people might go well ‘how can she fix it if you don’t tell her’. well she can’t that’s the point. [wow this entry’s gone on for awhile]. i don’t want it ‘fixed’ i want it to not have happened to begin w/. see i don’t want a real relationship w/ most people. you can’t change the past so there’s no point in trying. and the future is part of the past in that. um if someone [Person A] makes a mistake but then they and someone else [Person B] um.talk about it.well that won’t stop the person [Person A] from having made the mistake it’ll only maybe stop them from making it in the future. but if they hadn’t done it to begin w/ then they and the other person [Person B] wouldn’t be talking about it. and there wouldn’t be any problems. well ok there wouldn’t be that, problem. not like.problems in general. and yet. there are those people who go well you can’t change the past so no point in going on about it. yes but that’s why i do is bc i couldn’t change it. yes that’s exactly my point. and i should’ve done something about it when it wasn’t the past. yes but that’s not always easy and sometimes it’s better and safer not to. depending.
see w/ most people i have high expectations. i realise they’re not perfect but i expect them to be. like i expected her to have talked about it w/ me before doing it. and again i have no idea if this happened or not. [yes we know. turn that record over].
ok well before i circle talk again and not make any new points.......