life's so cynical in no longer wide-eyed and full

i’m full of contradictions and hypocrisies
i’m so tired, i don’t even know which side of fighting i’m on

today was just like yesterday, and the day before
taking myself so goddamn seriously and i can’t recall what for
i can’t feel the sunshine anymore

i’m so tired of bitching to myself
and wrapping up my true emotions to please everyone else
i’m so tired of bitching at all
life becomes so cynical when you’re waiting to fall
and i’m waiting to fall

– “naked” by matt nathanson

this song was my goddamn JAM in high school and honestly, it still is my jam. it’s one of those songs that gets in your DNA, when the lyrics just take up space in your soul.

i’m going on vacation tomorrow and i desperately need it. my mom and I are going up to central CA to celebrate her birthday and then I’ll be spending the weekend with Shanti to actually see matt nathanson in concert. he really is my all-time fave.

i was generally crabby today (and for the past week or so, tbh) so i’m really looking forward to getting out of town for a few days. i need to start seriously thinking about what i want out of this life and start taking steps to get there. i can’t afford to be bored or listless anymore. i have no one to blame but myself.

i’m waiting to fall, but i really just need to take the plunge. maybe i should start listening to a more positive song.