Spoil Me, Please in meh...

I want to be spoiled.

I want to be rotten.

I want stuff to be give to me because I’m not a bad person.

Yes, I’m a nutball for thinking this way.

I have heard “No,” “Sorry, I can’t help you,” “No way, man,” all my life and all I want is just someone to DO something for me without me having to pay for it. Very unrealistic because, as I’ve been told my entire life, I live in a fantasy world.

The reality of life is you have to give to get. I don’t have anything TO give and when I DO give, I GET absolutely nothing but the feeling of regret because I do things from my heart and get slapped in the face for it

So, I was grateful beyond measure when my sister’s mother gave me her van. Granted, she had won a Jeep and traded it in for the money to get what SHE wanted. I’m glad it was put on her heart to do that for me. I’ve always liked her and she and I have always had a good rapport.

My reasons for wanting to be in a relationship are purely selfish. I want a man who is a man who is a provider and has old fashioned values about taking care of home. Home being me, fixing stuff, and car shit. Not too many of those around anymore and those that are around are old and can no longer fix stuff and car shit. He can have his boys/friends nights. I want my girls/friends nights. We have to go half on cleaning up because, hey, I barely clean up what I’m supposed to now, but I am trying really so very hard to change that. My living room & kitchen have been clean for a week. LOL

That being said, I went to karaoke on Tuesday and DJ and I were talking. I told him about the transmission and that I’ve been hurting financially. He again offered me the opportunity to be the KJ (karaoke jockey) when he can’t do it. He is basically trying to build his entertainment company to the point where he has people going out under his company name doing DJ or KJ gigs. So I told him in order to do that, I’d have to be able to get around. He said he’d talk to someone about. He called me last night so he could give me some information and I just told him to call me at work when he had the time.

Then you have the other guy. I try to be nice, but I don’t like the aggressively needy who don’t have social common sense. He asked about the transmission, if I’d gotten it fixed. I’m like, “What don’t you all understand about ‘I ain’t got it’ to get it fixed?” I told him that I put it on Craig’s List. “No one’s gonna take it.” Why would you say that to me? Why?? But this is the same guy that is always sitting way too damn close to me and is always trying to figure me out and pick my brain apart in an effort to KNOW me. He irks my soul. So then he says, “Well, if you can find someone to take it off and put it back on your van, then I know someone who can fix it for like $200. He’s in Hillboro.” So I have to choose someone one out of my unreliable crew and then have to ship it AND pay $200. If it’s only $200 you pay for it. You pull it off since you like to tell me how you learned to work on cars as a necessity. Probably doesn’t do any more that what I can do under a hood. ::smh::

I’m needy, but when I say aggressively needy…he wants you to be in his face and he’s always fidgety, and always, ALWAYS TOO. DAMN. CLOSE. Like, his movements demand that I pay attention to him. I’m the person who gets angry when I’m driving down the street and someone drives too close to me and we are the only two on the street. When I get on the bus in the morning, I have a specific seat I like to be in. If someone is directly in front of or behind it, I always sit one away. I do the same with other people. I don’t get on the bus with my outside body heat wafting off of me and sit right behind someone and subject them to that.

I sound neurotic right? I just may be. LOL

When I’m really comfortable around someone, then they can sit close to me. When I know you are prone to do annoying shit, I will tell you stay away from me. Anyway, he thinks it’s harmless flirting. I think it’s aggressively-needy-personal-space-invading. When he’s not irking me, he’s actually an okay person. He is one of those people, and he does this frequently, when I’m conversing with someone else, usually DJ, something will catch his ear, then when we laugh he jumps into it, “What? What? What? What happened?” I tend to ignore him completely. Sometimes, DJ will say Oh it was something we talked about earlier. I don’t say anything because that is annoying.

Anyway…just got off the phone with DJ. He said the friend says it sounds like it may not be the transmission but if it is the transmission he won’t touch it. Story of my life. But it’s whatever.

So to sum it all up…
…buy me a new car…

LOL

Take care of yourself…
Kindest regards,
Sister