Night Work in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

For the last four days/nights, I’ve been working over night at one job and morning at the other job… which means that I basically inverted my sleeping pattern. It was quite an awful few days. I mean, I remember when I used to live my life like this, completely at night but it feels so isolating to do it where I’m currently living.

It’s not like Chicago or Los Angeles where night work is a common occurrence and you can usually find others who share your perspective of daylight as a novelty. The funny thing is, for the first time in a long time, I missed it. Ever since I quit that night life thing, I’d done this self-propaganda routine of telling myself and everyone I know that “I’m a morning person” and I just can’t “stay up late for no reason anymore” because “that was my twenties” and I’m “too old to not take daytime seriously”.

Just reading that sentence with all those quotes makes me hate myself a little more.

It’s funny because I thought it would be a lot more difficult than it was. It didn’t start out easy but that might just have been because of my own poor choices. The night before it was supposed to start, I stayed out late, like all night, did a shit ton of cocaine to help keep me up and then I slept all that next day to start the cycle.

I had some extra coke just in case I needed it, and I kept thinking that would need it (I worked 8:30pm-4:30am at one job and then 6:00am-10:00am at the other job), but I just pushed through and made it out fine.

The only reason I ever take drugs is because I think they serve some function, but if I don’t need them, I don’t take them… this goes for any drug, too, even medication.

My perspective on my own abilities has been waning for the last year mainly because of the awful spiral I was on. I’ve heard from people that everyone, regardless of age, goes through this once they graduate from university… I don’t know why I thought I’d be the exception… but the truth is, no matter what lies ahead of me, I know that I’ll make it through… I just might be really fucking cranky.