Another in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Did fairly well last night for my goals and all. But there were a few more explosive “Fuck this place for everything” moments.
(1) All week, when I’ve come home (and then again when Wife comes home) the neighbor kids are outside playing. Now… if it was playing tag, or basketball, or baseball, or something… that would be fine. It would even be cute. But the kids, with no adult supervision anywhere, are around a fire pit… creating fires… playing with sticks in the fire… and all week… playing with gasoline in the fire. It is worrisome enough that small children are playing with gasoline and fire without adult supervision. It is especially worrying that their firepit (on their property) is immediately next to my driveway (where we park our vehicles.)

(2) On a larger scale, traditionally, the benefit to working for the government is that you get excellent insurance. This has been true with everywhere I have looked and experienced so far. Up North County, like in so many things, is the exception. They have even suggested simply NOT providing insurance to County Employees now that the Affordable Care Act is in place. This became abundantly and infuriatingly clear yesterday. My wife and I are both on daily pills that we will have to take for the rest of our lives. For the last decade, with varying insurance plans, my pills have rarely cost more than $20. In fact, the last few years, my pills cost $15. Up North County Insurance plan? They cost $57. Wife is even worse! The pill that usually cost her less than $10 a month? With the County Health Plan: $100. This is on top of the fact that the County does not provide any form of Dental Plan. And yet… the County wonders why they can’t keep an Assistant County Attorney for more than a year. Well… the lack of supervisory assistance, the lack of appropriate computer support, the lack of reasonable jail facilities, the utter emptiness of the county for commercial needs, and the deeply noncompetitive insurance offerings? Yeah. All told… it isn’t a surprise that so many people are willing to GTFO as soon as they can. I will likely be one of them!
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The battle with my mind is going to be… a little extra difficult today. As I got in my car and, once again, the radio stations were intermittent and non-existent… the sheer size of the emptiness started sinking in. The county has no radio stations. 579 miles 2 without a single radio tower or broadcast station. My high school had a broadcast station! I’m not kidding. The high school had our own radio station that broadcast throughout the entire county. This county can’t even PICK UP a quality radio station. And I think about how badly I want to go somewhere else; and have to remind myself to get through THIS situation first. Focus on surviving today, thriving in THIS environment. And then I realize that it has only been 3 months. I’ve only been here 3 months. It has certainly felt like longer. Between the job, the house situation, the county bullshit, and the isolation… ffs, there are only 4 lawyers in this entire county. My boss and I are two of them… and one of the two remaining is the magistrate. But… no. I’ve got to fight that. It is going to be hard. Because genuinely… I just want to go home. I want to be where the people are. I want to see… maybe even go dancing. Taking walks around well lit public parks. Today it is just really hitting home that I feel like a fish out of water.

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What a weird day, friends. A weird day.

(1) Get to work and check e-mail. My boss e-mailed me: She will be gone Monday so I might need to cover her cases. Is this like… spontaneous? Nope. She is going for more surgery as a standard follow up to something from May. Just forgot to tell me until today. So… wait. You don’t let me know about this until 3 business days before I may have to jump in to cover for your cases? Way to absolutely suck.

(2) Go into court, because today is a court day. Apparently, the judge doesn’t think that lawyers need to be present to hear matters. The kind of unprofessionalism and contempt for procedure I can barely tolerate.

(3) While sorting cases, a DHS Mental Health worker is discussing how she hasn’t gotten paid in a few weeks and doesn’t know why. This is an issue that should not be happening in a functioning government office.

So… right away, it is getting harder and harder to keep positive thoughts or an Up spirit. I start thinking how I’m lonely (both personally and professionally) and how I miss modern conveniences… like having a Dry Cleaners in the County, or a Wal Mart in the County, or anything in the County. My brain jumps onto how if I asked someone about city beautification, they would think I just gave the punchline to a joke… as opposed to an actual city standard that should be considered. I even start thinking how bailiffs, court recorders, and all the other positions usually filled in courts aren’t even present in court here… like “We know people need jobs; but we aren’t going to staff our judicial branch ‘round here to get ‘em jobs.” Craziness.

I try to shake my head and get out of that headspace when something honestly worrisome comes up.

(4) One of our defendants has a serious problem with alcohol. So much that her liver is already shutting down. So we had her sent to the local hospital. Because they can take care of her, she’ll get sober, and we can evaluate what the best thing for her is. Well, apparently, she started bleeding internally. So the hospital put her on an ambulance and drove her two hours down to DM to put her in a hospital down there. What? Why?! I’m not freaking out as a prosecutor, I’m freaking out as someone who may one day need medical care. Do you mean to tell me the hospital couldn’t handle it? Was it like… a special circumstance? NOPE. The hospital is good for illness and the elderly. Any specialists, surgeons, or non-general care physicians are rotated in on a monthly basis and only stay for a few days. So the community hospital has no legitimate ER or emergency staff?! What. The. Fuck?! No wonder that attorney said you need a passport to come here… we’re like backwoods China! Christ!!

(5) Then I got back to my office and the DHS staff were having a polling meeting as one of their number is running for County Office this year. They were working on their ad budget and someone said, “Now, for yard signs. This has us buying 3500, will that cover the county?” To which the reply was: “Certainly. There are less than 3500 homes in the County. I didn’t want to buy signs for businesses.” 3500 homes in the county. I mean… I knew the county was small and getting smaller… but at that number? Why even wast the time and resources on County Politics? Yeah, I get that people want to consolidate power and hold it for themselves… but at that small a number, why bother? Why not just merge with the county to the east of us and then (together) we can be around 10,000 people. Fuck.

BUT since I am trying (trying) to be more positive and find GOOD here… especially good that I may be able to translate into long term positives… because… forgive the tangent… in an area where the judges don’t follow the rules, where the procedure of the courtroom is considered optional… where the rules of law are basically suggestions… I am worried that what I learn here will be “learning wrong.” That the information I gain here will all be tainted, ruinous, and the list of What Not To Do. And I don’t want that. I don’t want this place to “train me” so well in its broken system that I can never go to a system that isn’t broken. And I do worry about that. BUT, as I said, since I am trying (trying) to be more positive and find GOOD here…

(1) I had a case today where the magistrate was inclined to play more by the rules as we needed an interpreter. BTW… around here, apparently, (a) you don’t need to be CERTIFIED to be a court interpreter and (b) you can force a criminal defendant to pay for their own interpreter. How’s THAT for equal access to justice. Pisses me the fuck off. But… magistrate was already in a more professional mind set. So I ran with it. In court, I don’t usually offer evidence. I throw a cop on the stand, ask him questions, call it a day. Because that’s all this place requires of me most of the time. But… I figured… new mindset… I want to do well NOW so I can do BETTER LATER. So, I stretched my professional legs. Offered evidence. Treated the court matter as if it actually mattered. And I think I got the magistrate on board because (for the first time ever) she asked me if I wanted to make a closing argument. So… maybe if I stay on this “Don’t compromise your professionalism for someone else’s comfort” I may be able to drag this county (kicking and screaming) into a better place.

(2) Before a case today, magistrate (as she does) suggested we come to an agreement. First, I’m not sure she’s in a position to do that. Second, whatever. But today, new perspective and respecting my own professionalism. I decided… fuck dat shit. So instead of offering a deal, I informed the defendant why I would NOT offer a deal. I told him he may see it as one action; but it was three crimes. Crime A: beginning of the action; Crime B: Instrument used in the action; Crime C: result of the action. So, it is all one action with three charges and I see no reason to dismiss any of them. I did say that if he plead guilty to all three charges, I’d recommend the minimum. Still, he said no. So we went ahead and I won. Stuck to my guns, stuck to my professional ethics and I feel good about that. Then, after the case was over, the judge asked me about sentencing. Her exact words, “So, just the minimums then.” I could have (should have) told her boldly: “YOU’RE THE JUDGE. YOU DECIDE SENTENCE. THAT IS WHY IT SAYS JUDGE.” But I didn’t. I told her that we offered a deal of minimums, and he said no. So I would request the sentence start at no less than %150 of the minimum.

So I’m thinking my work (in court) standing should be “Never compromise your sense of professionalism for anyone else. Ever. Under any circumstance.”

So… that is like… 1/10th of my shit figured out. And to keep up with that… I should locate (since we are still unpacking) my favorite books on criminal procedure and read up on them. Get some intellectual legal reading back in my head. Granted, it does nothing for my loneliness. And doesn’t help my extreme ignorance with paperwork. Nor does it make up for the limited and lacking resources. BUT DAMMIT! I said since I am trying (trying) to be more positive and find GOOD here… I’m going to focus on the fact that I did well in court!!

BREaKDOWN:
(1) Get the work done. I was at work on time, did 4 hours of court. Did not use the remaining 5 hours well. I’m not thrilled with that. But Wednesdays are grab bag days. Never know how long court is going to take. Of course, and this is big: If I don’t succeed at getting LOTS of paperwork done tomorrow; I must consider my week a failure. There are things that MUST be accomplished and I cannot rely on excuses to hide behind.
(2) It ain’t college, son. I was awesome with this today! Except for food. Didn’t do well, there. But I did wake up before my alarm, got changed into my running gear, worked on the computer… got distracted… didn’t jog… but showered and got to work on time! So… making progress? Who knows; by next week, I might actually be jogging? lol (hopefully, sooner than that).
(3) If the women don’t find you handsome, you aren’t working hard enough. Yeah. This one is my bad today. I didn’t exercise, I didn’t eat breakfast. I did eat lunch (big salad and some fried chicken) but… I need to do better here.
(4) Prioritize! So… not tonight… and not tomorrow (probably) but Friday I need to do some work on my Home Office Computer. Because I’m finally rejoining some friends in Pathfinder. But… I want to re-do my character sheet. Which will take time and skill… because I’ve never been good at that. And then I need to wire my computer for better on-line communications; because some friends from all over the country are going to start a new D20 Dungeon Crawl on-line and invited me to play. And yes, dammit, that is what Prioritize means. Making friends a priority instead of thinking, “I’ll get to them when I have time.”
(5) Change Your Thinking. Clearly today has been rocky in that regard. Started low, had a good moment, still kind of stuck in the “I wish I was somewhere better” mindset. But… it may be necessary to accept that I’ll continue to think “I wish I was somewhere better” until I get there. Because while I can try to learn to appreciate this place for what I’m learning and the ways I may grow while I’m here… I sincerely cannot see this place ever feeling like home.