Interesting in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Now that’s an interesting place to be. I am tired enough, and my body sore enough, that even typical news stories that would inspire me to write an OpEd simply have no affect.

Are all “normal adults” this constantly tired? I’ve never been much for coffee… but I’m starting to think I’m going to need to become a die hard coffee drinker. Mornings are just… blah. SLEEP! Of course… if I were getting to sleep stupid early, I could probably be better about getting up. I mean… 5 to 6 hours isn’t ideal for most, and it certainly isn’t ideal for me. But then, how am I supposed to (1) do work; (2) help out around the house; (3) spend time with wife; and (4) mentally decompress… if I need 9 hours of sleep? Mergh. I suppose that is another reason to try to get to DM sooner than later. If I stay in the County Attorney Division… DM splits their cases by charge. So… I could specialize in one area of law, learn it backwards and forwards, and not have to worry about anything else. That would certainly make the job easier, in a lot of ways.

Like… today, for instance. I have a hefty case load. I have a lot of stuff coming down the pipe tomorrow. But as for today? Not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do. I mean… I have ideas. There is a subpoena I could send out. A trial information I have to write. Two motions for discovery that require a response. Of my fifty whatever cases; I know of at least 7 cases that I could do work for right now. Of those, I know how to do the work on at least 4 of them. Of those, I have the materials to work on at least three of them. But how tired I am? And sore? It is work just to keep my eyes open.

Which I really should. Because whenever I close my eyes, my brain goes to a pervy place. Not like… creepy pervy. But like… sleepy pervy. I close my eyes and instantly drift into some land between totally awake and largely asleep. And in that land of largely asleep… images take shape. A dark haired pale woman, in a white blouse and red skirt. A red headed woman in an elegant red evening gown. These kinds of thoughts.
..............................................................................................

I suppose the “good news” is that I can lie to myself strong enough to almost believe it. I need/want to return two phone calls, but I say “The cleaning crew may be here any minute. Best to delay phone calls until you can be sure there won’t be vacuums interrupting.” It sounds like a rational excuse; but I know better, lol. It is just an excuse. And I sincerely begin to wonder. If I had been hired by a “real” office (ie: one that gave a damn); would I be the hard worker of my past… or would I simply get too stressed and feel too much pain to keep pushing on? I mean… I did well enough in Law School. When surrounded by lawyerly people, I push myself to reach that expectation. But here? There doesn’t seem to be an expectation. I’ve expressly been told that Up North “isn’t really a place for professional folks. That’s why there isn’t a Dry Cleaning place in the whole county.” So… despite not wanting to shoot myself in the foot… despite not wanting to let myself down… it is really hard to build or keep any momentum or mentality of professionalism. Hell, most lawyers would wear a suit and tie to work every day. Even County Attorneys. Days like today around here? I didn’t even bring a suit coat or tie to the office. And in that way, it (again) reminds me a bit of the Law Library. There was no training, the expectations aren’t known, a lack of professional expectations, working mostly solo.... in a lot of ways, this job is honestly similar to the Law Library. The positive is that, theoretically, this job will be counted as legal experience. I say “theoretically” because… it could be obvious to others how things work here. Then, they will realize (if/when I interview) that I am not a seasoned attorney with 1 to 2 years of experience. I am a self-taught semi-trained guy who knows about Trial Informations and has argued a case or two in court.

..............................................................................................
HERE’S A NICE KICK IN THE TEETH!

So… one of the many choices in my life that I regret is my choice of law school. I chose to go to Omaha for law school because I had heard that their criminal program was exemplary. Also, I figured in a town twice the size of my hometown… I would have considerably more opportunities. NOW, I will agree with my wife… I would not have met my best friend if I hadn’t gone to Omaha… I may never have become able to accept some of my inner personality traits… but I still regret not staying in DM for law school. Because DM has one of the state’s better law schools. And because I would have been close to family and friends. And because there is a chance (no matter how slight) that Wife and I wouldn’t have gone through all the shit we did in Omaha. There is a chance (no matter how slight) that there would not have been a 3 year period where Wife refused to have sex. And there is a chance that, even if that part hadn’t changed, we could have found a more acceptable marriage counselor.

I’m trying to use my time wisely… or more wisely than I have been… so I look for research materials about the types of cases I’m doing tomorrow. First thing to come up: a 10 page walkthrough about those case types FROM THE DM LAW SCHOOL! ::head desk:: I know it isn’t healthy to obsess over past choices that cannot be unmade but… dammit. If that isn’t just a kick in the teeth to say, “Yeah, why did you leave the state for law school, asshole?”
..............................................................................................

Next fun struggle… Mexican Immigrant pulled over for slamming his black audi into someone’s car then driving off. No driver’s license but he did have his Mexican Identification on him. Officer charged him with Driving Under Suspension. I can’t find any record of his having a valid license to begin with. Honestly… don’t know what to do about that. Harumph. Certainly one of those moments where, if I worked in an office that had other people in it, I could just ask a quick question of another attorney and resolve this issue. As it is.... can’t ask Boss because… well, we know how that goes. So, I’ll have to walk over to the Sheriff’s office and desperately hope someone there can help me. But I have to time it just right to make sure I can get someone in the sheriff’s office. Balls.
..............................................................................................

Bit of Twitter: Have such a yen to write Angel fanfic right now. Weird.

..............................................................................................

Still trying to figure out my Car Crash Issue. And waiting to make some phone calls. So I read some stuff. And as bad as Trump is (for some people)… I want to share this article that suggests why Clinton is still only “a lesser evil” at best. And not, as some suggest, a wonderful addition to the historical fabric of American Politics. As everyone that knows her, has researched her, or has actually taken the time to understand how her campaigns work… she talks a big game, then immediately caves to her moneyed interests. “We’re against all the things that you’re against!” she shouts. And then votes for the things that get her paid. I realize she isn’t alone in that behavior… but it is far past time for us to expect better. If you say “I’m against sending jobs over seas” and then vote on bills that send jobs over seas? You’re not against sending jobs over seas. If you say you are for “Strong unions and Fair pay” but never take a vote on labor rights or wage issues.... you’re not for those things. And that is what worries me about Trump v. Clinton. Trump keeps saying he has plans, and then he describes those plans. Some of them are ridiculously insane; but he comes across as a guy that has plans. Clinton has rhetoric. A lot of things to say but no record of follow through.

Frankly, I’m probably not voting for either one.

..............................................................................................

GRUMBLE! I’m getting close that “freak out” place a little. Because… I want answers. I want these things to be taken care of. And the longer I go without answers, the more my brain says “What a uniquely fucked position!” It is frustrating. I know I could be good at this job. I’m certain that I could at least be an acceptable professional prosecutor. But what I researched, where I interned, the entire history of what it was to be a prosecutor as I understood it? Well, shit, even IN LAW SCHOOL… the dialogue would go like this:
Student: What happens when you reach that specific, lesser known legal issue? Like you get a case unlike anything you’ve seen. How do you handle that?
Lawyer Adjunct: Excellent question, and it happens more often than you think. The answer is to have a good working relationship with the other attorneys in your office. Today, I might have a case that I can’t figure out but Bobby down the hall can. Tomorrow, Bobby might have a case that he can’t figure out but I can. That’s just the way you learn.

Oh, really? Is that how you learn? What happens when that isn’t an option? RAWR. Okay, I have to calm down and pretend this significant, perpetual problem doesn’t exist. Answers are out there waiting for me to find them. I just… have to figure it out. And it is moments like this that really color this whole experience for me. It is bad enough that this place is so… not where Wife and I want to be. But… seriously… here’s the sad thing. I’ll bitch either way BUT… I can work a job this frustrating IF I’m in an acceptable location OR I can work an acceptable job in a frustrating location. This whole… frustrating job AND frustrating location thing just gets to me.

At present, I am reading EVERYTHING I can on the laws I’m trying to deal with. As Cecilia walks by, I bet all she sees is me just staring at a computer screen and I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m just starring off into space.

Plan for the rest of the day:
Sheriff’s Office… try to figure this shit out.
Phone Calls… defend things I’ve done (probably out of ignorance)
Chiropractor… lets see how this goes
Home… allegedly, the workers think they will be there this evening to try to get us closer to finished.

And then tomorrow… a day that I already know is going to be… rough.