Yeah in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Don’t want to talk much about the weekend. Essentially- it was not what I was hoping for nor expecting but that is completely on me. I was hoping for a nice relaxing weekend with family and friends to sort of recharge before a stressful week. But I forgot that my Dad is still dealing with the loss of his father and the disposition of the estate. So… it was just a very VERY stressful weekend. And then… back to the routine.

When we got home, though, we DID get a pleasant surprise. The air conditioning had been wired, so we could turn it on. NO vents in the main floor… so living room, kitchen, bedroom, etcetera. But at least we can now use the top floor… which does have vents.

As far as work, goes, though? I need to find some… something. I woke up, I thought “Okay, work. I can do this!” Drive to work and walk into my office… and I felt like throwing up. No, I didn’t drink last night. It was just… what I have to do versus what I know how to do versus the kind of help I’m getting versus how much time I don’t have. Honestly… I couldn’t feel more set up to fail if there was a neon sign telling me about it. Which sucks because I felt set up to fail at the Law Library for the same reason. Which is why my dad was yelling this weekend that maybe I should just quit everything and throw in the towel. Because clearly it’s me. And… maybe it is? Because… it has happened twice in a row. I mean… at the Law Library… they just threw me in to a dangerous setting with no training and no assistance (until we got Pedro). And here… I’m not even supervised at court like I am supposed to be, so no training and no assistance. So… yeah. Maybe my Dad is right. Maybe if I need to be trained to do a job that I already spent 7 years of schooling to learn… I should just quit.
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And… I become a whiny bitch. Because I can’t take this stress much more. Honestly. And if the professional perspective is “suck it up and deal” then it lets me know that maybe I should quit. So, my boss answers every one of my questions with “Ask the Attorney General’s office” and… I was going to. I had drafted a letter begging for help. A whole “I’m not getting any help, I’m not getting any guidance, I have no resources, and I feel stressed to breaking and lost to failing” e-mail. Because honestly, I’d rather sink my own career than let someone else’s laziness or unwillingness to assist sink me. Because… when I literally cannot get the resources I need… like a way to research cases… that is a problem.

But I’m not sending that letter anymore. Because for my afternoon hearing… my opposing counsel died. I talked to him Friday about the case; he died on Sunday. So across from me was a new attorney. Only been practicing 1.5 years. Had an MBA. And we had similar war stories all ready. Granted… he was FLOORED and surprised by my lack of resources as well; but everything else was pretty much the same. But a little different. For instance, he’ll have a lawyer check up with him “Did you file XYZ?” I don’t have that. And it worries the hell out of me. Because… if someone checks in on a daily basis saying “Did you file XYZ?” then the new lawyer can quickly file what he/she missed to file before it causes too much problem. With no one checking with me, I can’t fix my mistakes.

So… yeah. I’m insanely worried. Fuck, I have felony cases that I am supposed to deal with! Do you know what that means?
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So today’s work checklist:
(1) Case Organization and Scheduling
(2) County Department Meeting
(3) Dismissal Hearing
(4) Wrote Two Investigation Subpoenas..... couldn’t figure out how to file them. :/
(5) After about fifty minutes, figured out sort of how to file. And see, this is the shit that would be taken care of if there were any other attorneys IN THIS CITY that I could ask for help. Fifty minutes (and more) wasted because I’ve been stuck completely by myself. I don’t do well with isolation in a social perspective; don’t even get me started about professional. And I realize that sentence suggests that professional is more important to me than social… well, in many ways it is. There are some social stresses that I simply refuse to put up with; I don’t have that luxury with work stresses.
(6) A considerably overdue Trial Information with all of the trimmings (meaning 1 “document” consisting of MANY documents! This took me a while… and a lot of that I’m not proud of. Because… this is a case I was certain my boss was taking. Well… don’t hear from her for a long while. Shit. Due Date for TI passes. Shit. So now I’m just… taking the case… whether it is mine or not… because better to cover BOTH our asses at this point.................... and then Cecilia comes in. Tells me I don’t have to worry about this trial information (wohoo) but it really shows just how fucked up my boss is that a case that is, apparently, CLEARLY HERS… she just… blanks on. Fuh?! GRRRRRRRRR.
(7) As Cecilia was helping me out with that, though, she told me that she’d talked to my boss about a long series of cases that my boss was handling. You know, the usual. Drug Users continually trespassing on private property. Well… apparently, and this puzzles the fuck out of me, my boss wants to split the case. She’ll take the drug charges, I’ll take the trespass. Doesn’t make any sense from a legal perspective but from a “Boss does less work” perspective, it makes a lot of sense.
(8) Then… hiccups in an investigation need me to quickly learn how to do paperwork I’ve never heard of before. Fingers crossed that I did ANY of THAT right! And I’ll have to do even more of that tomorrow.

Oi, Tomorrow. I have to beg a few people to quickly come to court on Wednesday because I’ve been so far behind and so lost that I’m not prepared for my June to July Court transitions yet. Bah!
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After all of that… which, again, isn’t much considering I have (officially) 58 cases (unofficially, somewhere north of 75).... I’m going to go home… and try to force myself to do more work. Because… apparently… I don’t get to have time with my wife or time to relax. Fuck. And maybe it is because I’m so stressed out about things like Work and Life but… I just heard about this Red Cross Controversy. Now, I’ll admit, anytime you feel like you are being unfairly singled out… you should speak up. But… is this poster “SERIOUSLY racist” as it has been described?

Granted… more white children should have a “not cool” arrow… but let us count the behaved and misbehaved:
Of those who are behaved there are 11 Swimmers and 2 Lifeguards. 1 Lifeguard is White, 1 Lifeguard is black. 7 have pale skin (Asian or White) and 4 have tan to dark skin (Tan White, Hispanic, or Black).
Of those who are misbehaved there are 6 Swimmers. 4 have dark skin. 2 have light skin.

As I said… more white children should have a “not cool” arrow… or have a few more ambiguously raced individuals misbehaving. But I’m not sure I would call this poster SERIOUSLY racist. And the reason I mention it… is the old “numbers and counting” argument. When does the sign stop being considered racist? If of the 6 swimmers, it is 3 black and 3 white? Does the misbehaving white number have to be larger than the misbehaving non-white number to not be racist? Does it have to be 1 black, 1 brown, 1 tan, 1 white, 2 “other” as misbehaving? Or is it a different ratio concept? Is it because of the 9 “white” only 2 misbehave, but of the 8 “non-white” a full half of them are depicted as misbehaving?

And before I’m misunderstood… I’m not being flippant or disrespectful or anything. I am genuinely asking the question. In this limited circumstance: When does this poster cease to be “SERIOUSLY racist?” In the broader sense: When, if ever, will we get to a point where this isn’t a poster of “different races” but a poster of “swimmers” or “Americans” or (best of all) “humans”?