Melvin-Free Wares. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

We all know the rule in the gym about not staring at people. Heck, since I’m attracted to girls, more often I find myself idly watching guys lift. I have this bizarre logic that since I’m a dude, I’m not oogling them. (Well, not TOO much. Gotta admire guys that have their nutrition and training down.) Girls, I’m terrified of them thinking I’m being lecherous, so I either look at the floor, ceiling, the clock, or mandudes.

That said, I can’t help but notice a disproportionate number of chicks suffering from melvins**. That trope of men adjusting their genitals more often? It doesn’t seem to be true at all in the gym. I’ve been gymming for over ten years and I can’t recall a single instance of a dude adjusting his genitals at the gym. But especially lately, I can’t help but notice chicks adjusting their crotch fabric. And this isn’t a “don’t do that”, because fuck society. If your labia or whatever need adjusting, adjust that shit.

It just seems really weird that fabric/clothes designed for the gym seem to NOT BE DESIGNED CORRECTLY. I recall overhearing one chick saying to another how she bought bigger gym leggings/whatever because the size down was too tight around her << motions to her crotch >>. How difficult can it be to design gym fabric that is both form-fitting, the right amount of stretchy for range of motion, and DOES NOT RIDE UP YOUR VULVA? Come on, WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.

Of course, short-shorts are still an option, but that’s not the point. You shouldn’t be forced into an alternative because what you want isn’t designed correctly. Whoever starts a company whose priorities are “comfortable on your vulva, and POCKETS whenever possible” will make millions.

**Melvin: Front wedgie. I forget where I picked this up, but I seem to be one of the few who latched onto it. It’s a rather useful slang.