Weekend Round Up in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Things are mostly the same right now.
Wife has been unpacking like mad; trying to figure out where she wants things. I’m trying to help, to assist, but I’m also trying to encourage her that she shouldn’t get 100% invested in where everything is. After all, there is still a lot of work that needs to get done in this house. AC & Vents, Cable Outlets… just to start with. So while it is great to get things unpacked… I am far more focused on getting the other important stuff taken care of. When the house is livable and finished, then we can worry about placing things and getting rooms set up. I mean, I want to get rooms set up as much as anybody… hell, being able to use my desktop computer and/or play video games would have made this weekend damned near perfect. But… first things first, right?

That being said… there is some good news already about this move and everything else. Apparently, (working backwards) a big part of Wife’s waining sex drive was her inability to see me as a Man. This lawyer job has changed that. She’s been very impressed with my job and hearing about my days have actually gotten her a lot more interested in me. To the point where we had some pretty intense sex on Saturday night. The problem, of course, is that while it was pretty intense sex… giving Wife “one helluva wild orgasm” (her words). Thing is… no such luck for me. No orgasm at all. Which… considering how often that happens… I’m left with two concerns. (1) This could be a psychological or physical issue of mine that I need to look into and/or be concerned about. (2) This may be an indicator that Wife is, well, not a giving lover. Which I hate to say but… certainly seems to be the case. ANYWAY… moving on to something different while simultaneously connected......

Woah… just went to cook dinner and suddenly it is several hours later.

Here’s something I talk about a lot but… while I don’t have anything new to say on the subject, it has come back up again so I’ll mention it.

As I got internet back, Facebook/E-Mail/Social Media/Etcetera… a string of “TINDr’s effect on social culture” articles flooded my screen. Of course… all of them discussing how TINDr made it easier for people to find fun, sex, and enjoyment. Now… while that all sounds like a crappy sales pitch… it does poke the bear that is my curiosity on sexuality. I mean… sexual partnerS still seems interesting in some ways. know it is silly but… yeah. I’ve got a libido, I’ve got a lot of sexual interests and desires, I’d like to investigate them. But when I mention them to Wife, it seems like she has no interest. And I’m not just a demanding guy. When I see ads for TINDr and think about my desires, I instantly think about how I’d like to lose 70 lbs. I mean… I really should lose between 70 and 100 lbs. So I know that I have a lot to do on myself as well but… I don’t know. I do appreciate that my wife is finally seeing me as a sexual object (apparently due to my job) but… I would like it if our sex life wasn’t strictly the how she likes it, when she likes it. Is it really so much to ask, I guess?

OH… before the computer turns itself off… NEWS. Not sure if good news or bad news, honestly. Long time readers will know about Aoife. A woman that I loved very much but also that I had disappointed too much for us to be an item. However, we were both so powerfully attracted to one another… staying friends was, apparently, impossible. We honestly couldn’t NOT be together as long as we were in each other’s lives. The last time we saw each other was 2005. It was after I’d started dating my wife. It was a quick visit but Aoife was… not in a good way. And ultimately, she crawled into bed with me. I’ve told all of this to Wife and it isn’t a big deal between us. But I think it hit home for Aoife that… we couldn’t be around each other unless we were going to be together. And she didn’t want to be with my romantically. And other stuff between us. Again, this was 2005. For the last six years… I’ve been… worried? Interested? I’ve wanted to find Aoife. She could be in trouble. She could be dead. Was she married? Was she happy? I talked to Wife about all of this. She agreed with me. Aoife was an amazing woman with a number of problems. (Hell, we all have problems and if you care about someone… you want to make sure they overcome). So… in various ways, typically various on-line searches, I tried to find a trace of Aoife. Oh, I’d find a trail from back in the day… before we lost contact… but I never found anything to show where she had disappeared to. Until yesterday. So… now I know the firm, the city, the state, the specialization. But I don’t know if she’s okay. I don’t know if she’s happy. I don’t know if she’s married with kids, happy single, or miserable. And as I considered all of that… I considered something else.
IF she’s moved on… found happiness… settled in a new environment living a good life… and a lot of that has come from her decision to leave her old life behind… I would be (once again) disappointing her with my own selfish actions if I tried to look her up in person. If she hasn’t moved on… then tracking her down in person would likely open up a lot of wounds. So… now that I know definitively that she is, at the very least, still alive… if I actually care about her… I have to do nothing with that information. Just… shrug, smile, and be happy she isn’t dead. Somewhat harder to do than I anticipated.