'i'm tired of having a relationship w/ your answering machine!' in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

well. in the words of ‘friends’. yeah pretty much.

from my fb: ‘yes exactly. or w/ his phone.......or his email. or w/e. i’m not in a relationship w/ someone who has one w/ me. i’m in one w/ someone who doesn’t.’

well...........um yeah. evan. He’s been in and out of detox since jan. and it’s now almost june. and the reason well the current reason he hasn’t seen me is that.......that’s why. he either needs to stop drinking. or he needs to stop getting caught drinking. which i think he knows cause well he’s not stupid. and when he’s not in detox he’s drinking. and then he ends up in detox. and then he gets out and drinks.........and then he’s back in again...........and then he’s out. and then.........well you can see where this is going.
I’m not upset that he’s in detox. no I’m upset.that he hasn’t seen me in such a long time. i’m there every wk. and he isn’t. so if anything he’s the one who should feel bad not me. after all i did my part the rest is on him.
he should’ve. i don’t know done me the courtesy of letting me know. of giving me a heads up. and maybe he didn’t know at first. but I mean once he had and once it was starting to become a continuing pattern. just a ‘hey i won’t be seeing you cause i’ll be in detox for however long’. ok thank you. that’s fine. or if someone’s sick. ‘hey i won’t be going to the movie cause i’m sick’. ok fine just let me know.
so anyways getting back to my point. which was that. oh right the relationship thing. He doesn’t have a relationship w/ me not not really. no he has a relationship w/ a bottle.or a pint. or a glass. or........a vessel of liquor. w/e it is. the point being. He has a relationship w/ an item which evidently is taking precedence over me as of late. sure yeah when I used to drink a lot i. well i did that but I also went to the bar like wkly. yes and for that reason. to drink more. So really that’s the reason [well ok a reason] I got together w/ Pat. [well besides the fact that we were close ad all that]. and upon thinking about it I don’t think Pat was ever sober when I saw him. whether i actually saw him drink or not. i used to - and i’ve only told one person this - get drunk before i went outto..........drink more. so yeah i’d show up already drunk. and maybe Pat did too i don’t know i wasn’t there. i mean he drak a lot apparently. and there was a time when i did too.a lot for me. for 2 months. almost 4 yrs. ago. my love isn’t enough. i know that i’ve been there.
and yeah it’s occured to me.that during those 3 months come Sept. evan..........well he might not be here.........anymore. and i mean I won’t like that. but i tried. no i didn’t try my best but i tried. and yeah if that does happen during that time it’ll be hard. and he’ll be the person I’ll want to talk to about that but i won’t be able to bc he won’t be here to talk to.about that or anything. or anything else.

but ya know. if the last time i saw him was good. [which it was]. then i’m ok w/ that part.