6/7/2009 in Open diary entries

Dangerous times loom in this entry

I don’t know if I can hold it at bay anymore.
The clouds that had gathered at the horizon of my mind seem to be taking over.
I know we all have our good days, bad days blah blahdeblah.
I’ve been putting on a happy face…
Its sliding off. Anyone have super glue?
I don’t want to go back on meds. And I’ve been doing really well without them… until recently.
I’m going to give myself another week to get out of this depression. Another week then I guess I’ll go to the doctor. Because I’m already falling into some old habits. These aren’t the worst ones I have. But I don’t want to fall into the “worst”. The “worst” will get me thrown in jail, out on the street… the “worst” will get me killed.
So. Another week. I’ll eat right, workout, find that superglue and maybe that happy face will stick. Another week and I’ll avoid just curling up in a ball staring at the wall. Another week and I better sleep, stop aching all over. I’ll take my vitamins and drink more water.
Another week.