Random Thoughts in Every day scata

People have to do more research before they squash an idea. It really isn’t that fucking hard to do. Hell, I’m stupid when it comes to some stuff and I can see the facts that I looked up and called about.

I had a whole entry written in my head earlier but then I left the house and it alll went away. I’m sure you guys can relate to that.

I’ve started doing postcrossing again. Did I already say that? I mean in another entry. hm My brain still doesn’t work right.

I’m starting to feel a little bit more like myself. The self that my sister said “you sound more like you than you have in a long time”. I’ve been so heavily medicated the past few years I did lose myself. Most of the drugs have left my system, and I’m starting to feel better after the tegratol bullshit.

I might have to accept the fact that I start feeling nauseous, rather nauseated (that’s the correct way) at about 2 pm and have it continue on until bed time. I don’t want to feel this way though. I can’t eat supper, feel like a big pile of shit (how does shit feel? Does it have emotions?), and get rather depressed about it.

Speaking of depression, I’m still running high and low every day. I just want to be high. Not that kind of high. No weed for me (yet). But that “hey, I feel pretty awesome right now!” feeling. Yeah that feeling can spiral into a manic episode, I’m aware of that. But sometimes you’re willing to take that kind of risk. As long as I don’t have a mixed episode of epic proportions where I end up in the hospital again.

I really should be filling the pill reminders. I hate doing that. It’s a pain in the ass.

Tyson had a really great show that he watched this morning. First the little squirrel was in the front yard rooting around, then either he moved to the back or another tiny squirrel came down to root around there. He gets so intent watching. Silent, stalkerish. If I had let him outside he would almost, if not catch that squirrel. I don’t want that to happen. I like my squirrels… except when they dig up the flowers looking for something to eat. They literally dig them up and set them aside the hole neatly, like a human did it.

I’m price shopping some stuff. The comparison prices are really wide. I know that I won’t be able to afford getting old. Just take me someplace pretty and kill me. If I can afford the bullets.