um. damnit. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so. i don’t have a good title for this entry. um. i.i don’t like reminders the big ones the big emotional ones. i was at where was i.well when i was at king’s the other day i saw sandwiches that had pesto in them. and i’m like oh i could buy those.and then.no. cause my grandmother.......had..........pestoo.
or even in SF when we went to japantown.looking back that was hard. not cause of the place or the experience or SF or.anything. but bc my grandmother likd japan and/or had been there. actually my great uncle liked it too. i don’t remember meeting him but evidently i did at one point. i’m not sure if it was when we were in missouri or not.
um and. ok so valerie and her family went to elitch’s over the weekend. and it got me thinking.that when i was little i used to do.things like that.i think. no i mean i did it just doesn’t seem real. which is why i put i think. and.well growing up we’d go to like shows and the ballet and all that. see my grandmother taught ballet for 40 yrs. and.......i i just can’t right now.maybe one day but not right now. see and this is what i’m talking about.it’s too soon and too close and just no. yeah see that kindof stuff those reminders.
i remember one thing i wanted was a photo of her mother. and i don’t know if ..........um if [wow this is hard] anyone would have a copy or.......or not. i don’t remember seeing that picture a lot but i remember.her mother was pretty. i don’t think i ever met her but seems she would’ve been like me.also she knew how to treat people.
and it’s all so.vivid right now.