ugh roommate issues. [TMI & slightly gross so] in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so jennifer my roommate. I’m starting to like her less and less as time goes on. like and I couldn’t like.talk to her about any of this cause I don’t think she’d understand. no i mean.er i don’t think she has the mental comprehension to be able to understand this. so there really wouldn’t be any point. [well i mean i could like as in i literally could talk to her about it. but as said no point so].
ok well. and this is where the TMI/slightly gross part comes in. She does’t have the greatest uh bathroom habits. like i don’t care if you need to go that’s fine [after all it really is something everybody needs to do] but either flush or close the damn lid so i don’t have to see........stuff. I know ladies have uh ‘lady troubles’ as i call it but I don’t need to see evidence of that. if there’s not evidence of mine then it should be the same for jennifer. yeah........i don’t need to see certain things uh ‘advertised’ as it were. just like w/ anyone else in the house.
ok so my next issue. well she can only be left alone for like an hr. a day or something. so. that means when I’m going to the school to get the bus to my mom’s jennifer comes w/ us. and ya know that’s fine. like i don’t have a problem w/ that really. But here’s the thing: she’s not a fast person. no in fact when we’re about to get in the car I have to wait for her.when i’m the one who’s faster. If she and the lady need 20 mins. or w/e to get ready then that’s fine but let me go first. it’s common courtesy. and also. So we have the front door and then this little area and then the stairs. well Jennifer will stand in the little area.so she’ll be in the damn way. and even if i said ‘excuse me’ i don’t think that would do anything. i don’t think she’d move cause of the comprehension thing. or like even people who would be able to mentally comprehend that. some people when they open the door they stand on the inside of it.like that doesn’t work. stephanie did this. i’m not a large person or anything but give me some damn room.
I’m a really polite lady usually. even at my mom’s I get out of the way of the people walking though that’s more due to my issues w/ personal space than anything. i’m not doing it to be polite. but no one says anything. like ‘you’re welcome!’. fine next time i’ll stand int ehe way. ‘how come you didn’t move?’ uh cause you didn’t say anything. The thing about being polite is people don’t notice it untill it’s not done. it’s like housework in that way. or how come when there’s only 1 of me i have to move for the group? shouldn’t they have to move bc there’s only 1 of me? [wow that doesn’t make me sound like an entitled milleniel at all. i’m being sarcastic]. and i just. I expect people to be polite. if people are in my way but then they realise and they say something then it’s like oh ok.thank you for acknowledging it.
I really don’t know, what Jennifer’s condition is. I know she’s low-functioning and there’s a lot she’s not aware of.no see that’s the thing is she’s not aware so it’s easy for her! take smokers for example. They know they should’t smoke but the diff. is they’re aware, of that fact. and i don’t think jennifer [not that she smokes if she did] she would be aware of the fact that she shouldn’t be.doing that. and i don’t think she has the mental comprehension to be aware.
i don’t think i’m actually supposed to know what her condition is cause of hippa rights and stuff. and actually i really don’t know what one of my conditions is. i thought i did but then i talked to my mom about it ad we were wrong about that so. but i thought it was 1 of those things that had 2 meanings so. i’d rather not say what really so please don’t ask.
if i knew. it would help and it wouldn’t. it would help cause then I’d know the name of it. but then i’d want to help. see that’s one reason I’m not honest w/ people about certain things.is cause if i were then they’d want to help and tell me what to do about it and not only do I not want them wasting my time or a real relationship w/ them.but also.I don’t want their damn help. oh i know here’s a crazy idea: people should try asking instead of assuming ad taking that opportunity away from someone.hey guess what that might actually fukin work. no really. if I see that my mom’s having trouble w/ something physical like opening something most of the time I’ll ask if she wants help. instead of just taking over and doing it for her. and ya know that way you acknowledge that there’s someone you know.there. [ya know at my last house it was the weirdest damn thing: hannah, instead of ringing the doorbell/knocking on the door like a normal person would, would just come right in.and not even acknowledge that there were people living there. like lady it’s not your house and i don’t know you that well so.........]. cause i don’t like it when people do that for me so. i mean the taking over part. anyway. so maybe I’m better off not knowing. and also i’m really not responsible for jennifer. I’m not involved in her plan I don’t know anything about her plan other than what I’ve observed. but that’s really it. I don’t have any authority over her.
if i knew that it was something she literally couldn’t help. like ok. Men literally, as much someone might want them to.cannot give birth. like they actually physically can’t. that’s what i mean by ‘can’t’. they’re not able to they don’t have those um.organs. and ya know i’m ok w/ that so maybe this isn’t the best example. But w/ Jennifer it’s like.as much as i might want her to she.will always be different far as i know. or me even the times when my depression gets to a 6. instead of a 9 or a 10. i’ll never be......like undiagnosed w/ it. ya know once it’s done it’s done. and I don’t know if w/e condition Jennifer has she’s had since birth or if it’s something that developed over time. and asking her wouldn’t work. also like.for pregnant ladies. unless i know them or they volunteer info about it i’m not going to go up to the first pregnant lady I see and start talking to them about it.just no idon’t do that.
yes see I’m not responsible for her. [so then what’s the problem?] well the problem is i still have to live w/ these things. like I’m still around that. and if I talked to the lady and she talked to jennifer [and honestly i don’t know if that would work either] I wouldn’t like it not only cause it’s a change but also bc it’d be boring. like yeah when I was at stephanie’s I didn’t always like being in the middle of the chaos i created.but looking back yeah i miss it. The idea of living w/o is like.so foreign to me. it’s like going to a new country not knowing the language. [yes but a person can learn the language. yes and strictly metaphoricaly speaking. i don’t want.to learn the ‘language’ as it were. like in the literal sense i don’t mind travelling no in fact i quite like it. ya know again it’s like who says i want help? and maybe i do but that’s not the point. the point is asking if someone wants it. i don’t want to stop being chaotic.].
ok see. and i don’t even like using this word cause of how much i don’t like them. but i really don’t like holes i don’t even like the word ‘holes’. holes actually really freak me out. i prefer the term opening or orfice. so anyway. as i’ve mentioned before if you want my food then have some. please for the love of god have some. in fact i actually encourage it. yes it’s my food but that’s my point. is it’s my food to give to whoever i want.or to keep it for me. So the other night I’d left my container of Ritz on the counter cause i didn’t like how they were arranged on the shelf. well apparently jennifer took it up to her room and ate some. well see I personally don’t have a problem w/ it. what i have a problem w/ is she like almost fukin demolished the damn thing via an um opening in the bottom.ew freaks me out and creepy. instead of opening it from the top like a normal person would. if you’re going to open my containers.open them like a normal person.
But see apparently it’s a problem for the lady. for jennifer to have more food. since evidently for health reasons the lady wants Jennifer to do better. well but that means i’m not allowed to have like.if i bough a container of cereal. i’m basically not allowed to keep it on the counter. i want to live in a house that feels lived in.not one where the only things on the counter is [are?] the metal tea basket holder thing and cookbooks. no it’s too clean. it feels idinno barren. and [too] empty. it feels like a house for show not one for living.in.
In my room on 1 of my 3 dressers. well on 1 i have the covered tv. on the other i have a flashlight. book, air cone thingy, printer paper, a shopping bag, another book. and stuff. my room does not feel barren. and i don’t know if it was this way before jennifer moved in i really don’t. I only know that it’s this way now. [evidently she moved in 3 yrs. ago. and i came in in sept. so........]. and i’m also not allowed to keep food in my room. well but i have. i mean not like actual meals. small things. in containers.
ok so. I don’t like supercold things. So a few yrs. ago when i had beverages in the fridge I’d take them out and leave them on the counter for awhile. well but that entirely defeats the purpose of having put them in the fridge to begin w/. well..........but apparently jennifer would also have my beverages too. interesting thing is. i don’t want people to have my beverages. unless like i have a big container of soda or w/e. then that’s ok. but not a 16 oz. thing. so really i’ve been keeping my beverages in my room.cause idon’t like them being supercold ad i don’t want her going into the cabinets to get them. which she might. [also the cabinets are wood and they might spill which obvs. isn’t a good plan so].
so the problem.isn’t that i’ve found a solution. no and that also isn’t the point. no the point.of all this is that it makes it hard for me. and that i’m starting to dislike her more and more due to all this.which i’ve already stated in the beg. of this entry so.