ahistorical rebuttal in poetry

giving away
the unicorn face
to the little kid as if to suggest
that I was doing it because I was a damned great guy
not a long-shot at trying to impress
the girl on the dance
floor with the flower dress
who’d never like me nonetheless
because she’s too busy being obsessed
with some Middle-Eastern dude named Jesus
anyway in the long run I could never bear
spending a life with a woman who
could never admit there’s nothing wrong if you swear
but in the moment of her beauty
there’s always a little bit of hope there

and the truth of the matter is
I mostly did it to bring a smile to the little kid
just a minor secondary ulterior motive
in the deed that I did
but as time passes I find myself
rewriting my own internal history with doubt
cynicism about my own motivations
teasing an alternate version of the story out

giving away
the unicorn face
was mostly to make the kid smile
in that time and that place
but the problem with how my mind works is
had I been doing it for a pretty girl’s glory
it would make a better story
even if the truth with less desperation
for the girl who cannot handle for cursin’
ultimately make me look like a better person

I’d rather be interesting
than known as a big boy scout
even if what really happened
won’t bear that thread out