cut my mind on the scars that come with greatness in furious, fragile, and free

I really have to try to not be overwhelmed by how fast time goes and how desperately I wish I enjoyed things more when I had the chance.

Sometimes I have jolts of, “wait, how did I get here?!” because sometimes I still feel like the sad 16-year-old waiting for life to start.

Now, I’m an anxious 22-year-old who’s overwhelmed by everything. I feel the weight of the future right before me and the shadows of what I’ve overcome … I guess that’s how we all feel all the time, though, huh?

I feel like there’s so much I need to do and I’m not doing any of it. I’m blowing off a lit paper (C’s get degrees, amirite?), I can’t remember the last time I actually read for my lit classes, I have so much DA stuff that just isn’t getting done because I can’t do it all.

Tomorrow I’m back to class and spring break is officially over. It was a pretty lame final spring break, and now I’m staring down my final 42 days at SDSU wondering, again, is this how my life begins?

I feel like, after graduation, I need to take some time off for myself. Everything this year has been nonstop and the past four years now feel like a blur. I don’t want to jump into a full-time job without seeing the world and without…something. I need something and I don’t know what. Something that has more meaning than dive bars and Netflix, because that’s pretty much the extent of my life outside of class and work.

42 days. Breathe in. Breathe out.