to the tune of COLD TURKEY in song parodies

tried to eat vegan
tried it for fun
told to try fake meat
soy beans on bun

my stomach is churning
colon is clenched
like I ate a brick wall
like I ate a wrench

tofurkey… has put me… off my lunch

can’t tell the texture
like I’m eating wax
don’t say it’s healthy
give me no facts

my eyes are rolling back
I try not to vom
one thing I’m sure of
it’s nothing I want to nom nom nom

tofurkey… has put me… off my lunch (x 2)

thirty-six dollars
for one pound of pain
Trader Joe prices
fucking insane

please pump my stomach
or feed me charcoal
please hold my hair back
over this here toilet bowl