The Wind Blows Cold On My Spine in Hello

I've been sick since last Monday.

A pretty bad cold.

Starting to feel better, I suppose.

I'd like to check my grades for this semester online but my teachers suck and don't know how to post the damn things. It went OK. However the former engineer Mr. Thompson I don't like anymore. He was teaching the machining calculations class and it seemed everyday he had to bust my balls about something. Anything short of calling me stupid really, ESPECIALLY during the final. I was actually getting really heated and kept getting snippy with him. Look dude, it's not my fault you got laid off and the only job you could find is teaching part time. Go fuck yourself and stop calling me stupid or I'll kick your fucking ass.

I have him teaching one more class next semester. If he's a dick again I'm going to complain to admin.

Between getting off work yesterday and this morning when I took Krystal to work I found myself in a constant state of annoyance. She gets really...needy?...and I've ran out of my medication...I went to the mental health center the other day about seeing a therapist and they can't fit anyone in till March. So yeah...now I've been unmedicated for a few days. I want to think that it's just in my head and I'm looking for a reason to be an asshole but I'm not so sure.

When she's holding me tight when we sleep I keep having nightmares.

Dead relatives.

Places I used to live.

Situations that I can not change.

Monsters (that one was after work yesterday and more funny than scary.)

This morning I had a strange dream that everything she has told me is a lie and she's actually a thirty-six year old orphan con artist who has fucked all my friends.

All I wanted to do last night was a little gaming. The PS3 only comes on for Netflix. I haven't touched the controller for a game in two weeks and she makes the snide comment about sharing me with a game. I get the damn thing on only for five minutes when I'm told that I have to leave the house to provide dinner. Then the damn door is left open and the cats come in.

Peace.

A little time to myself.

That's what I want.

I don't like being angry again.

The sixteenth of this month was two months sober.