Work, life. in Since OD is shutting down....

  • March 23, 2016, 4:45 p.m.
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  • Public

So my roommate is going on vacation starting tomorrow. I’m honestly overjoyed because I get my house to myself for a few days and will get more sleep. I will miss him but I think it’s good for him to get out of town for awhile. I wish I could take a vacation but I just can’t afford to lose money. I still don’t know what’s going on with my housing or if I’ll even get help anymore. It’s just really sad that if you work 40 hours a week and you don’t have kids, you get no help at all. I’m sorry that I choose to be a productive member of society and I get punished for it.

I guess he doesn’t plan to pay any rent until he comes back and I informed him that it’s due on the 5th. I still don’t get a lot of help from him, but I guess a little bit is better than nothing. I just can’t wait until my car is paid off so I will have an extra $400 a month and can start planning to move somewhere. I am so tired of fighting over parking, sharing walls with other people and not having my own washer and dryer.

Work is going okay. I was scheduled to leave at 8:30 last night and stayed until 10:30 because we were down someone. I was fucking tired and truly get sick of being there past my time to leave. I pick up so much slack and it’s seriously not fair. I wish we could find people who actually want to work because I get sick of not getting to have any kind of a life outside of my job because people don’t show up. It was really slow last night and we had to do a bunch of cleaning because corporate people were coming today.

It snowed last night and it’s only 28* today. I’m not thrilled about going to work but I got sleep, was able to lounge around in bed and showered. I get sick of always being in a hurry and never having time for myself. I know that I need to take a vacation but it’s not possible right now with paying full amount for rent, car payments and everything else. I get so tired of working so hard and knowing I am not going to get a break until I pay off that fucking car.

My brother and his girlfriend are a fucking joke and I just hope they realize that the longer they keep me from their kid, the more I’m going to drift away. I don’t let it bother me as much as I feel they want it to and that’s why I don’t get to see her. I know that at this point it’s not my brother, it’s his girlfriend. She’s a heartless, evil, fucking bitch and I’m sorry my brother ever had a kid with her. I just can’t afford to let not seeing my niece affect me as much as it probably should because I just have way too many bills depending on me to end up so depressed I start missing work. I am not going to let other people’s actions get to me where it affects my everyday like I’ve done before.

I just chalk it up to you can’t reason with unreasonable people and have started to adapt the ‘oh well’ attitude. I’ve done everything I could. My parents have never made the attempt to have a relationship with her because of her Mom and I honestly wish I wouldn’t have either. It’s not been worth the emotional trauma I’ve had to go through. They let me see her the weekend after last, but I had to go over there and see her. I’ve always told my brother I like to bring her home with me because I never get to be at home and actually like being here sometimes. It’s just bullshit where they want EVERYTHING their way and I’m just done dealing with it.

They have to understand that when I’m not around, I continue living my life. I’ve spent a lot of years letting other people’s bullshit get me down and turn me into this depressed, angry mess and I’m in a position now where I can’t allow that. I have too many bills and too much going for me to end up down that road. I don’t live my life for other people and I won’t ever again. If people actually come around, awesome and if they don’t, well it’s their choice and I don’t mind my own company. I am completely fine with being alone and people need to get that their through their thick heads.

My heart is still really heavy about that girl passing away. Meth is a helluva drug and I just wish people could stay away from it. My friend/manager’s Mom got caught selling it to someone wearing a wire and she’s going to prison for a really long time. I don’t know anyone who’s life hasn’t been affected by Meth in some way, shape, or form and it’s just heartbreaking. The shit is dangerous as fuck and kills people. I understand when people want to smoke weed because it’s safe and it’s not going to kill you but Meth, is a completely different story.

Anyways, I’m just getting ready for work and hope is busier than it was last night because I was about to lose my damn mind. I’ve decided to start taking my Adderall everyday because I need to get rid of the weight I’ve gained lately and it’s just too hard to focus without it. People will be talking to me and I’m never really paying attention because my mind wanders so damn bad. Even when they are trying to tell me shit that’s important, I struggle to pay attention. Fuck ADHD. It’s a shitty thing to have and I can tell when I don’t take my Adderall, even if it’s for one day. I just can’t stay focused.

I go back and forth about wanting to cut my hair again, not just a trim. I really want to do the A-line again but when I did it before no one liked it and I’m afraid that if I do it again and everyone hates it that I’ll learn to hate it and be stuck with it until it grows back. I know that I have really pretty blonde/light brown straight hair but it’s so hard to take care of and I go through so much shampoo and conditioner because it’s ridiculously thick. Ugh, I don’t know what to do. I just blew it dry and it looks so nice that I wonder how I could ever chop it off like I did but then when it’s dirty and looks like shit even in a ponytail, I am all for cutting it. Ugh, the struggle is real.

Anyways, I need to get dressed and start planning to get out the door. I hope tonight is a good night. I’m not thrilled about the snow and how cold it is so I’m wanting the night to go fast.


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