when in poetry

this is what it looks like
equipped with a necessary but esoteric skill-set
this is what it looks like
overwhelmed with the prerequisite anxiety and stress
this is what it looks like
when you’re trying to be a good person
but you’re also trying to be your best
this is what it looks like
when I’m really trying

this is what it looks like
trying to suppress the glib quips I’ve been trained for
this is what it looks like
trying to be meaner than I am because that’s what they paid for
this is what it looks like
when it looks like I’m just fucking around
but my gears are grinding so hard I feel like I’m dying
this is what it looks like
when I’m really trying

and I’m gonna have to go down deeper
in my weirdness
in my long-shots
because I see the light on the other side
and it would be so much easier
if I were any better at lying
and it would be so much easier
if my aptitude were in selling and buying
but it’s always sketchiest before the dawn
this is what it looks like
when I’m really trying

you’re gonna disagree
you’re gonna disavow
but I’m gonna have to look even worse
for a little while
if I’m ever gonna get to wow
if I’m ever gonna get to bow
you know I caught you moaning
did you even catch me in a sigh
but this is what it looks like
when I really try