into the woods.sex. and shunning as it were. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so. I’d heard that it doesn’t seem like we’re really allowed to talk about what happened to us [i’m not really asking why this is so.] [by which i mean sex abuse] but I never really got it untill recently. fairy tales the dark ones are pretty........um dark. like rapunzel being locked up in her tower. which is akin to abuse in my opinion. or in ‘brothers grimm’ [love that movie] the story of the mirror queen who wants to drink blood. or well i don’t have any other examples right now. oh and that’s perfectly ok to talk about. but sex. no one talks about sex. [ok so i mean in grimms fairy tales. i don’t know a lot about the other ones]. The closest thing I can think of is ‘hello little girl’ from ‘into the woods’. which is creepy but it’s meant to be. well no wait.........there’s a version of sleeping beauty involving sex abuse. But the fairy tales people know of. They say we should talk about what happened to us [which yes we absolutely should] but when we do. it’s like we’re an outcast it’s like we’re being shunned as it were. and so if we don’t want that then. it’s like we’re being told we shouldn’t talk about it. which yeah that sucks. I spent an entire yr. being emotionally dead when I was 17 bc i didn’t talk about it. bc I didn’t fully understand what ‘it’ was untilli got to college. it’s like back in my early 20’s when i’d go out on dates and get drunk. I didn’t know what ‘drunk’ was I just knew i felt different. I didn’t know a whole lot about drinking. no one had explained much about it to me i just well.found out from experience and reading online. um and I decided i didn’t ever want to feel that way again the emotionally dead part. so when I was about 24 i decided i wouldn’t be wasn’t going to. i decided i will not be quiet. so i went to karaoke. and that was my way of verbalising it sex abuse w/o actually saying....... ‘yeah this awful thing happened to me’. i don’t know that people got that though cause most aren’t that perceptive. and i wish they were. you talk about it you’re shunned as it were you don’t talk about it and.well you end up like me. so you’re pretty much damned either way. One’s not better then the other they both suck just in different ways. [and yes i realise it depends on who we tell but that’s not my point so]. also the other reason I didn’t tell when i was 17 is bc I didn’t know who they’d tell. and I didn’t want them telling someone else and it getting back to me. and I still don’t. but that’s what ended up happening. and so now i’m back to where i was which also sucks.
The only person besides Mark a few times I’ve talked about w/ is evan. and i know he won’t talk about it w/ anyone. also he doesn’t socialise a whole lot so. and i didn’t bring it up w/ valerie. i didn’t elude to it. and i’m sure as hell not going to now after what happened. [also since she already knows it’s pretty much pointless]. but my point is even though she does know i’m still not going to elude to it. er my feelings on it rather. i don’t even say stuff like ‘bc of my ptsd i have memory problems’. i mean which i do but. we’ve never talked about my ptsd. i don’t know that I trust her not to tell someone else w/o telling me first. now my psychologist i trust. [which is good since you know you’re supposed to trust them]. so that’s not what’s stopping me. what’s stopping me is..........it’s just such a big weighty thing. i trust Drea. i trust Mark though w/ Mark.........it’s hard to talk to him about stuff cause he doesn’t connect that well emotionally so.
but then there’s what we think and then there’s what we think based on what society thinks.
i should have a better way to articulate/detail this but i don’t right now......... um i feel like there was more to this.........maybe.......

Last updated November 19, 2016