Postmarked Birmingham in General

About once a week I get a minor bout of insomnia. I am a little embarrassed to even use the word because I have never known the feeling of going weeks at a time without sleep.

I used to get anxiety dreams that would wake me up. Once it was me having to swim from Coronado to 32nd street in San Diego for a mandatory class.

Since I retired they usually show up as dreams about manning up in an EA-18G, with me thinking “I can probably do this, but I haven’t been trained on this jet.” Getting it started is only the beginning of the problem.

In the civilian world there is this absurd notion that anyone can do it. One of the Rambo movies has Sly just jumping in and flying a Huey. The Iron Eagle series would have you believe that if you can get into a flight suit and a cool set of shades you can fly a F-16. Oh lord.

The title song reminds me of Pattyann. She lived in Birmingham. About 3 years ago she went in for sinus surgery. Had a pulmonary embolism and never woke up.

Nothing in life is a given.

We were friends and we talked almost every month. She was constantly pressuring me to make it more. But chemistry can’t be forced. Her number is still in my phone. I pause as I pass that number, always wondering if it is time to delete it.

But in a way it is a reminder. She was here. As the saying goes as long as someone remembers you, you are never truly gone.

The other person the title song reminds me of is Audrey.

Five years into it I am still heartbroken, to a degree.

It doesn’t help that every time I go to Mireya’s house I have to drive past hers.

Every time I drive up 196 to my parents house I pass within a half mile and feel that pull.

Chemistry can’t be forced. It just is. And goddamn doesn’t it suck when it won’t stop.

I feel her every time, every single time I go up that road. And Evel, the evil iPod always manages to come up with a song like this one.

A two-page letter written on
Ramada stationary
Dated April twenty-two
She asked me not to hate her,
Said she’s sorry
But leavin’s what she felt she had to do…

Last updated March 03, 2016