Emotion: Fear and Worry in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Conceived in the AM, written in the PM

I’m being rather bogged down by fear and worry these days. Of every size, of every variety… and it is a concrete vice grip.

The political world. Donald Trump is almost certain to be the Republican Nominee. The only way that wouldn’t happen is for the GOP to expressly ignore the caucuses and primaries. So… in other words… Trump gets the nomination or the GOP openly defies the system for selecting a nominee. The DNC side is no better. The head of the DNC is a long time Clinton Supporter that campaigned for Hillary in 2008. Shit, her Vice President had to QUIT THE DNC just so she could support Bernie Sanders. The Black Caucus was “heavily encouraged” to support Clinton due to “future fundraising needs”… a nice way of saying, Clinton as the establishment choice can/has/and continues to bully and bribe influential supporters to her side. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton may have illegally prevented Massachusetts Caucus goers from casting a vote and two different State Campaign headquarters for Hillary are under investigation for breaking polling laws. If that isn’t bad enough… Hillary has proven (time and again) that she wants to dismantle American Trade agreements (allowing for more job outsourcing) and wishes to demolish Net Neutrality (allowing telecom companies to screw their customers SO much more). Not to mention that she is so in bed with Big Banking that it should be horrifying. Hell… the only policy she has that isn’t in favor of Corporate Interests is her Gun Policy in which she has pretty much declared the 2nd Amendment to be fair game.
So… yeah… our nation’s future politically has me at my wit’s end with fear and worry.

Then add on Racial Issues. I’m told every day how #AllLiveMatter is an offensive hashtag developed to “undermine legitimate black issues” by an “ignorant, privileged class” who “refuse to deal with the reality of black America.” Meanwhile, I continue to use #AllLivesMatter because… and here’s why I’m blown away that we’ve become this gentrified… ANY death caused by injustice or abuse needs to be investigated and dealt with. America should stop killing people, stop abusing people. No individual group should ever put up (or be asked to put up) with systemic violence and abuse. While I understand #BlackLivesMatter is trying to get special attention to say that the systemic violence and abuse happens to black people more than any other race… I support #BlueLivesMatter… because every time a Police Officer is killed, I’m sickened to my core when people say “Fucking pig probably deserved it.” #IslamicLivesMatter… because whenever a Muslim is killed and people assume it was a terrorist without proof… we should all be insulted. #MexicanLivesMatter… because to assume that person deserved it because they were likely an illegal alien is such a gross misunderstanding of the value of human life as to be appalling. #AllLivesMatter because any life cut short through violence is a tragedy. And the fact that such a statement is seen as racially offensive… horrifies me.

And my fear and worries deepen. Even in areas where we declare that we are becoming more accepting and understanding… that is code for “provided you think like we do!” I’ve seen black people viciously turn on another black person simply because they said they’ve voted Republican. I saw a gay man make his gay friend CRY because the friend said he enjoyed shooting. Even in non-racial settings! Biggest example that tends to affect me. I will accept someone that says they are a Comic Book fan because they like comic book characters. But not everybody will. Some people get super offended. How DARE you say you like comic books if you don’t have a “worthy collection?!” Likewise, I’ve been in conversations where someone has said “Oh I love Green Lantern, what do you think?” and when I begin to talk about the War of Light (and the different Lantern Colors) they will tell me with a sneer, “Yeah, I just wanted a quick sentence, freak. Go away now.” (Yes, this exchanged happened to me last week). So… even in places where we SHOULD expect some level of acceptance of others… we’re becoming more divisive. We aren’t “Oh, cool, we all like the same thing”… we’ve become “You don’t like something the way I like something, so we’re not cool.” And it makes me worried for our nation and fearful for humanity.

Then to round out the fun National and Global fears… add on Employment and Economic Stability. Despite the political machine saying otherwise… almost all economists worth their salt have been pointing toward 2009 as a game changer in the worst ways. Even conservative economists can’t get around the fact that, since 2009, the majority of “wealth creation” has gone STRAIGHT to the top. The average median income for a household in America is down several thousand dollars. Most new jobs are below the $40k a year mark while price inflation hasn’t exactly slowed at the same pace as wages. Meaning… Americans have less wealth, less social mobility, less money, and things are still costing more. Is it any wonder why Americans are statistically more angry than ever? As someone who lives in that economic quagmire… I have a great deal of fear and worry.

Of course… all of that is on a macro scale. I’m also pretty damned consumed by personal fears and worries. Like… Housing. In three months; I have no idea where I’m going to live. I don’t know what city, I don’t know what building… and I don’t know if/when/if EVER I’ll be able to get a house. Forget buying the kind of house I’ve always wanted… I’m talking about a house AT ALL! Because I have no idea if I’ll ever get a job that will pay enough to take care of me and Wife, that will give us good enough health insurance, that will provide any retirement options, or any kind of money at all! So, yeah… I have a lot of personal fears and worries.

It’s just… I feel surrounded by negatives. All things that are gripping my heart. All things filling me with fear, worry, doubt… just… screwing me up a little to be honest.