to the tune of NO REST FOR THE WICKED in song parodies

I was walkin’ down the street
when out the corner of my eye
I saw a woman in a robe approaching me
she said “Just try to do no harm
and then do as thou wilt
that’s what the fullness of the law shall be.”

I met her cat Cecilia
she said it’s her familiar
but she’s never seen it change its shape
I asked “Whacha out here doin’
under this full harvest moon?”
she looked at me and this is what she said

oh, there ain’t no rest for the wiccan
gotta go worship trees
we got spells to cast
before the solstice’s past
ain’t no time for the Nintendo Wii
we can’t stop to chat
we gotta chant
we don’t just do this for fun
no, there ain’t no rest for the wiccan
until the ceremony’s done

not even fifteen minutes later
I’m still walkin’ down the street
I smelled a shadow of a man reekin’ of patchoul
and when he saw I was confused
he held up a half-filled mesh bag
he made it clear that he was foraging for shrooms

he said “You don’t look like a cop
so I’ll share some of what I got
but I gotta bring some back to my handfast wife.”
I told him, “Nah, I prefer hash
but first you know I gotta ask
what made you wanna live this kind of life?”
he said

oh, there ain’t no rest for the wiccan
gotta go worship trees
we got spells to cast
before the solstice’s past
ain’t no time for the Nintendo Wii
we can’t stop to chat
we gotta chant
we don’t just do this for fun
no, there ain’t no rest for the wiccan
until the ceremony’s done

well now a couple hours passed
and I was sitting in my house
I ate my steak and I gave the dog the gristle
then I turned to the TV
and flipped it onto QVC
they were selling so-called “magical” quartz crystals

pagan craft is trendy stuff
but I can’t see paying that much
I find those things behind my house up on the hill
but you need a mystic crutch
I guess I mean who I am to say
if it ain’t magic then at least it pays the bills

oh, there ain’t no rest for the wiccan
gotta go worship trees
we got spells to cast
before the solstice’s past
ain’t no time for the Nintendo Wii
we can’t stop to chat
we gotta chant
we don’t just do this for fun
no, there ain’t no rest for the wiccan
until the ceremony’s done

Last updated February 13, 2016