so it's almost the end. [not as bad as you think]. [on my ex] in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

btw i’m drunk atm. of course i am. hey i went 3.5 wks. up untill today so.

it’s almost the end of the day.and. it’s been 3 yrs. since my ex & i broke up and i wonder.if this date has any signifi er holds any significance for him........as well. as in does he look back and remember? cause shit it’s hitting me right now more than the past 2 yrs. from my recollection. oh wow. i vividly remember it. i also vividly remember the day i was...........at Pat’s one of the last times we hung out. and i was well actually i was drunk then too.off mickey’s. yeah we drank a lot.i haven’t had mickey’s since. damn that’s good beer. if i think hard enough i can almost taste it as realistically as i did back then...........
anyway. and i saw Pat’s guitar.........there on his bed in the basement. oh damn. and I touched it.and he just waited. and he saw how upset i was how broken up i was. Pat...........his level of compassion. i loved that about him. i really really liked that. his was the first guitar i ever touched. one of them he had at least 2 no 3 was named ‘feather’ the other ‘amanda’. even before I met him i loved them always wanted to learn. he said he’d teach me if i ever had one but then............if i already had one of my own I’d go and play it.i love it. i’d love to go back to playing one again. well the only thing stopping me is.me. well and time.
I was considering.checking my ex’s fb but then i’m like ‘no don’t torture yourself like that.on today of all days’. maybe i’m better off not knowing.
i. ya know. i kindof want to end this entry course i’m thinking of deleting it in all its entirety cause of my anxiety but ya know. at the same time. maybe it’s better left out in the open something this personal.been awhile since i wrote about something this.........like this. no maybe it’s like snow: don’t always like it but it.wouldn’t be the world without it.just like i.wouldn’t...............the breakup is a part of my life just like anything else.
so many trees....... [a metaphor of sort].

Last updated November 19, 2016