1/25 in 2016

i’ve always prided myself on my immune system and how i rarely seem to get sick. and i think i probably jinxed myself because i’m suffering from my second case of the stomach flu in the past 3 weeks. (for the record, i hate using the term “stomach flu” because that’s not a real thing but since everyone calls it that, i kinda have to.) i didn’t even think it was possible to get the same sickness twice in such a short period of time?

the first time i had it, the weekend before the semester started, i woke up from a dead sleep at 5am and puked everywhere. i was sick all day (and still went to work) with a fever and chills. i ended up getting cole sick, too. i guess that’s what happens when you share chapstick with each other. this time around i started feeling sick yesterday around mid-morning while i was working. i had no appetite (which is very weird for me) and felt a little nauseous. i blamed it on the combination of too much caffeine and the lack of sleep. i tried napping when i got home from work, but i woke up feverish and threw up for most of the night. i still feel sick today but i guess i’ll attempt going to class. luckily i don’t work during the week and today is my one day without internships.

speaking of internships - i love mine. i’m learning a lot and between those and work and my classes, i hardly have any free time. i end up feeling pretty lonely at the end of the day, though. last semester i had erica and i was hardly alone at all during winter break. but now i feel friendless again.

cole has been acting a little strange lately - he will get mad at me for “no reason” out of nowhere but then he’ll be fine later on. a few months ago we shared our locations with each other and the other night he turned his off because he was angry with me. he turned it back on but i’m still confused why he did it. we used to talk a lot and now i think he just gets annoyed with me. i don’t really understand it but i guess i’ll just have to deal with it. all i really know is that i do like him and i thought he liked me, too. but he doesn’t. i don’t know why i keep doing this to myself: falling for boys who want nothing to do with me. but i honestly am okay with just being friends. i don’t know what to do.

even though things feel like they are going pretty well in my academic life, my anxiety and loneliness isn’t getting much better. i feel happy most of the time but i can barely handle myself the rest of the time.