Day 07 Month 2 Year 2016 in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Sometimes… I feel like I’m the height of bumbling incompetence. lol. I seriously can discuss, think in the abstract, theorize… if it involves strictly the mind, I’m not a complete slouch. ACTUALLY doing something, though, is a different story.

Like… making pancakes for my wife this morning. Nope. She needed to help me because I had so badly burnt the first two. I know that cooking is largely “experience learning” but… I am going to need loads of experience! :p And… a kitchen bigger than our closet. Seriously… the designers of the apartment thought that a walk in closet was a better design choice than a kitchen that could hold more than 1 person at a time?

Rest of the day? Cleaning, applying for work, picking up Rx… it should actually be a pretty standard day in many respects.

Oh… so… definitely told Wife that I won’t be working in the law library after February… no matter what. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “You’ve already said that.” To which I responded, “You said that you wanted me to work there through March, so I’m bringing it up again.” She said, “I do want you to work through March. We need money coming in. But it is your decision.”

So… definitely going to make February the last month I work at Law Library. Cementing that in my mind made me feel the least depressed that I have in all of 2016. Like a giant weight was lifted from my “happy center” and I know not being depressed in interviews will make a huge positive difference. Maybe I’ll get that interview in Buchanan and really nail it.

Of course… the last few days? I’ve been having anxiety attacks which probably isn’t much better. Because… even if Wife hadn’t said anything… money. Money is required for housing, sustenance, prescription medication, utilities… from a certain perspective… the bottom two tiers of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs requires some kind of financial stability. So… I’m worried and nervous about that. I mean… I can try to play the whole “Gosh, I’ve still got loads of opportunities to hear back for interviews and job offers” but… I was raised far too practically… never make plans based on events that have not yet occurred; instead, make plans based on all possible predictable events.

All of that in mind, though? I can already feel a sense of dread and darkness in my heart as I face the fact that I have to go to the Law Library tomorrow morning and put in another 8 hours. Just… dread.

Cheering up with more Facebook Girly photos? Meh… maybe. I am constantly intrigued by the concept of what people (me, others) find attractive. Attraction may be genetic, but it is also cultural… and cultural (in this case, at least) has macro and micro elements. What genuinely turns me on visually may be identical to what turns on a 30-something white male half way across the world… but it may also be the exact opposite of what turns on a 30-something white male half way across the world. Race, region, upbringing, psychology, genetics… all of what goes in to something that (for most animals) is a base instinctual drive to procreate. Fascinating.
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Last updated February 07, 2016