analysing liquor in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

maybe that’s a weird title for an entry i don’t know. um anyway. I knew it would come to this eventually. i. well i haven’t had a drink in 3 wks. the last time I did was on the 11th.of last month. and actually these last few days except when I get annoyed/drained I haven’t really been craving them. i drink.for so many reasons none of which is to celebrate. no if i’ma drink it’s gonna be bc i’m sad or going through something.and ptsd. also I like to drink. i drink cause..........i’m in mourning. i drink cause. i don’t want to think about that. i drink cause yeah i’m addicted to chaos and that’s a way of creating it/more of it. ya know if i wanted to unwind then i’d smoke weed. drinking just seems so much more violent then smoking weed. i’ve never heard of anyone like, arguing or fighting cause they were stoned [and yes i know why]. ‘course, it also depends on how much a person drinks too. and yet somehow alcohol’s legal. well no pot’s legal here just not nationally. I’m a huge proponent of weed.
and now.I want to drink cause I’m angry w/ stephanie and it’s finally starting to hit me.and I don’t want to feel that. yeah but eventually everything wears off and that’s what I don’t like. again that’s the issue I have w/ meds. it’s not like you just take it once and you’re set for life but wouldn’t that be great. well that’s one issue I have w/ meds. no you ‘have’ to keep taking them. [well you should].
honestly besides finances the other reason I’m not currently drinking is cause the lady doesn’t want me [or anyone this isn’t specific to me personally] drinking in her house. well.............um I don’t listen to people that much. although she can stop me from buying liquor she hasn’t yet. she also. hasn’t done pocket checks and thank god. i mean i don’t want anyone’s hands ‘there’ save for evan. and he’s the only one. hell if i hypothetically lived w/ him then yes i’d let him do pocket checks. cause i’m that comfortable w/ him. but i don’t think that’s something he would do since and i’ve told him this i have nothing to hide from him. and if he did find something it’s not like he’d tell anyone. also that’s not really his place not really his job ya know? Most people i have stuff to hide things.from. yes see at stephanie’s I could actually never get away w/ that bc anywhere I would’ve hidden stuff they checked. and at this new house well when we do room checks she [the new lady i mean] only goes through my drawers. yes I could be hiding shooters in my suitcases but I’m not. and the reason i’m not is in the event she decides to go through them. I don’t want the shooters taken away from me. they’re at my mom’s in one of the dressers some in the um empty toothpaste tube cartons. The only thing I have like permanently at my house that I’m not allowed to have are scissors. but they’re scissors i’ve bought myself. so ya know it’s not like i took them from the kitchen or w/e. but that’s cause do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to cut something when you don’t have scissors. godamn. and I don’t like being inconvenienced. [well i don’t think most do]. and my scissors are in my computer case in the event she does go through my suitcases. also I don’t want to have to ask for scissors/wall pins/w/e each time i need them i mean i’m not 5. ya know? which actually is why i don’t have wall pins. well i mean i have them at my house just not in my possession. even though we haven’t detailed my sharps restriction i’ve never once used or touched a knife in the house.and for that reason. at stephanie’s they locked them up. which probably was an inconvenience for them. like each time they needed a knife they had to go to the closet it was in unlock it and get one. ok i haven’t cut in almost 3 damn yrs. so. and the cuts i do have are from my anemia so. [however i found out that you er ‘can’ spread nutella w/ a spoon/fork. oh god i miss food. which is weird since i’m not a big fan of it. um anyway]. here they’re right w/ all the other silverware. but that proves that i can be trusted in that way. believe me you can do some damage w/ a fork too.........and a pen............and probably cd cases...........and other.things. hey i used to cut i know these things. and also.i’m intelligent.
see the thing w/ like alcohol vs. cutting is ok. yes people can take away the razors. or w/e. but once the person has had the alcohol unless they’ve had way too much.it’s done it’s gone. one way to get rid of evidence is to consume it. [ok well so there are obviously certain things people shouldn’t consume. i’m not condoning it i’m just making a point]. [and you’ll be glad to know i’ve never consumed metal i’m not..........that’s just not who i am].
um there’s more to this but i don’t want to go there right now.or ever maybe. ok.

Last updated November 06, 2016