old soul/new body pt 1 in Random Thoughts

I had an eventful weekend. It almost feels like more than one weekend packed into one.

Friday- play date with Brian…this one needs to be written in a private entry
Saturday- Tantra and building consciousness workshop (this one was heady and will take some time to write up, if i can even find the words)
Sunday- bridge walking with Jamie and another magical date.

What i can take from the Tantra workshop is included in my title. I feel like an old soul in a new body. This new spirituality, awakening, consciousness makes intuitive sense, visceral sense, like an invisible path i just need to trust. The frustrating part is this new body/mind of mine. It experiences, but does not intellectually know how to classify, quantify, categorize these experiences.

This may be vague. I will try and use an example with something more concrete. I may have mentioned this, but last year i started having this phenomena: involuntary body movements. Generally this would happen in deep relaxation during massage or savasana in yoga (the final relaxation pose). Since i started meditating, it happens more frequently. Imagine movements that may seem fluid like belly dancing and rhythmic movements. Lately with the energy i have with Jamie and experiences like this Tantra class, the movements happen during my chanting and during meditation.

So, it seems strange. At first, months ago i went to a doctor because i thought maybe there was something wrong with me. But what i have been doing is just allowing. Trusting. Being. But i don’t know what’s going on. I am not just sitting around, not doing anything, really. In this journey, i am trusting that the knowledge (or whatever is next) will happen. For example, i was reading a slim volume about meditation and read that this involuntary body movement is part of what the body goes through to gain access to a deeper part of the mind. I almost feel like it is like ridding my body or preparing it for the next level.

So, i was at this workshop (which was not what i thought it was going to be, i thought it was going to be tantric exercises, which are exercises that make connections between two people..sometimes known as ‘sacred sexuality’ type exercises). But really the class was about Tantra, a vein of philosophy that i have been learning in my yoga teacher training program. This is what i experienced, body-wise (and this has happened before)

• rapid heart beat
• cold shakes
• sweaty
• a kind of headiness

I want to continue, but i need to get to my next class.

Last updated February 10, 2016