so richard called. and evan stuff. and getting my own place moving. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

it’s been almost 1.5 wks. since evan last called me on thurs. it’ll be.
anyway right as put. richard called. idinno if yall remember richard. He’s the guy that I emailed and we hit it off and we were.going to go on a date which.still hasn’t happened. he seems like a nice guy from his emails but getting to know someone like via email and actually getting to know them like in person are 2 different things. yeah so i’d been calling him and he called back. but that’s it.
yeah i mean evan and I are um seeing each other but the whole point of seeing someone is to, you know. see them. i’d say i’m almost giving up on him again but that doesn’t really make sense as if he doesn’t call we can’t talk about that. we have a history and I know him and he’s not just some random person but if he were some random person this wouldn’t be a problem cause we wouldn’t know each other and we wouldn’t have a history. like i can’t ever un-meet him. or anyone else ya know? once you’ve met someone that.......like un-meeting them isn’t a possibility. that doesn’t work. Since he is my closest friend right now I’d want to talk to him about this but it’s impossible to talk to someone when they don’t call.......you. and he still doesn’t have a new phone far as i know so..........yeah. you get attached to people and it only causes problems.well that and the whole hypervigilant thing. again that’s the real reason I don’t want a job. I don’t want to get to know new people when they’ll just end up leaving so.i don’t. like i don’t have that many friends and really i’m ok w/ that right now. And I think the reason we get attached to people is cause we end up caring about them and evan’s the only person who i openly care about this much.and that’s a lot of work. so.
oh right back to my point. Richard & I might go on a date...........probably..........at some point probably when i get my own place. oh i have news about that btw. so the other day when Milton stopped by we talked about it a little and he’s like ‘i don’t see why you’re not there already but ok’. not his decision to make. yeah when I told evan about this bit of news he goes ‘i think it would be good for you’. yeah me too i’m just scared which is weird cause for the most part i think i’m ready except for the financial part as in me myself keeping better track of my finances. like I know how much I have and i know if you have ok $40 for instance and you spend 20 of that 40 then you have 20 left but i don’t like. have a checkbook in my possession or anything like that though that’s for checks and i don’t write checks so. I have though back in college i mean i’m not that inept. yeah they wanted us to do that in college. like I know how to I just don’t practice it. I also don’t have credit cards although i wouldn’t want them so. i’m ok w/ not having them. But i want to move once i’ve lived here for at least 6 months [which’ll be in April. the days i was on holiday/at my mom’s for the holidays/at my mom’s don’t factor into that which is why the 6months thing’s in April] that seems like a good amount of time for me. no i think i’m scared of being completely on my own but see thing is.i won’t be. i mean Milton and Linda [she’s one of the financial ladies] will still be a part of things.and my advocate. and i’ll still do things w/ my mom & my sister.hopefully. well i want to. and valerie i don’t want that to change. but i think once i get used to living by myself i’ll.be used to it. [not to be redundant but there we are being redundant].
So I don’t want to live in an apt. cause well mainly cause some of the buildings lock their doors after a certain amount of time and i’m nocturnal so...........yeah. my sister’s does. and also when you live in a house you can like.vacuum whenever you want if you live by yourself. actually back when I had my own place I vacuumed at night but I also cleaned at night so those 2 went together. yeah i don’t particularly like vacuuming. you can do your laundry whenever you want if you have a washing machine/dryer in the place. I think only once i had somewhere that didn’t. i mean there was er there were some in the building but not the apts. you know you can use the restroom whenever the fuk you want to. eat when you want to. [or, not eat when you want to. yes i’ve been that person]. Living w/ people is hard. like i don’t think i’m bad at it i just don’t prefer it.
I had an apt. down in FL and that was nice i think. I didn’t know any of my neighbors. I remember for some reason my dad came down and he presumably asked my neighbors if I was in or something.um I don’t talk.to people. and that’s the other reason I’d want a house is yes i’d have neighbors but not like in the same building or w/e. I wouldn’t want to run into people in the hallway or anywheres. again i don’t talk to people. I remember when I moved back from FL my dad & I went apt. hunting and he’s like ‘well i think it would be nice to have your neighbors look out for you’. yeah um i don’t that’s what my friends are for. i’m v. selective about who i want looking out for me in that way. well and by ‘my friends’ i mean evan.
So i’ll ask Milton a few questions once it gets closer. I’d want to go house/apt. hunting w/ him and maybe my mom I really don’t know who all else right now. also he’d probably know of available places so. I’d want to live in either denver or aurora since I’ve lived in both and i know both. I’m thinking I’ll either move july or sept. although.......my parents are going on holiday in July so...........ok Sept. then.maybe. and you know someone moving is kindof a big moment in their life and ............it impacts the people. like the other people they know so.........yeah sept. ok. which is funny cause Sept. 24th was when i moved into where i’m at now. I don’t actually need much furniture since my parents kept my bed and the dressers [yes plural] and table I had. although i don’t want the bed but i don’t want anyone else to have it either. i was raped on it is why. far as i know they don’t know about that. I’d want a new sofa...........I’d want to go furniture shopping w/ my sister. well ok sofa shopping. I’d want to get new dishes/kitchen items before I move/d not after. since it makes a lot more sense to get them before i think.
yeah this is exciting. and it’s also nerve wracking. I remember before I went off to college I was scared that was the summer I turned um 19. well so anyway. So I told my former friend Kate from maryland about it and she’s like ‘this is how you’re supposed to feel you’re supposed to be scared’. so that was. well looking back yeah it was helpful.
anyway.

Last updated November 08, 2016