Christmas With a Broken Heart......? in Other shit.

I've spent the day decorating the tree. And the house. It's very...Christmasy now. I always have to think of Teacher Helper when I get out all the Christmas shit.

(For those of you who have never read me before Teacher Helper is my friend who is in her....60's? and I met her when she was a parapro for Froggy's kindergarten class ages ago...)

She paints wooden things. And does LOTS of Christmas stuff. Every corner of my house has stuff she's painted for me over the years. Some of my favorite ornaments are the ones she's painted. Then there is a small wooden sled (not a real one...) that has this snowman face on it. And he's wearing a black top hat and his carrot nose is long and crooked and there's snow all over him....and his hat...it's the cutest thing. She did such a good job.

Zia is obsessed this time of year with Lifetime and Hallmark movies. You know all those sappy romantic Christmas tv movies? They are CORNY AS FUCK! But......I like them too sometimes!

And so she's constantly texting me today to see which one I'm watching...LOL...

So there are sappy romantic Christmas movies playing all day while I've been decorating. (All the movies have really stupid titles like "A Princess for Christmas" Or...."Chrismas Bride"....or "Christmas in the Bayou" missed that one....Zia and I are going to watch it together via text come 12.30. We're gonna try to keep each other awake through the whole thing. We were going to watch it when it came on an hour or so ago. But there was a BETTER MORE SAPPY and FUNNY lovey dovey Christmas movie on...Hallmark channel so we went with that one seeing as Christmas in the Bayou was coming back on late tonight! LOL!!!! We are pathetic!!!!! Seriously.....fuck. I need Lion to act right....)

I need to be working on making ornaments and now more stuff for my friend's salon to sell. Sigh.....I'm a little bit overwhelmed. But all I can do is work. Today I didn't work at all.

The morning started....badly. We won't talk about why. Not here in this book anyway.

And then it really didn't get any better emotionally. It's like after we fight I carry it with me all day and night. And....sigh...I don't want to cry.

I cried so much when he called that I got so snotty I could barely fucking breathe. And I was AWARE of my breathing and I kept thinking EWWW ...gross. He has to be listening to me mouth breath on the other end of the phone.

Very attractive. Pffft..... But how attractive is it to be sniffing up your snotty nose the whole time cause you don't want to blow your nose while he's listening? Geezus.

My eyes are still swollen.

I don't want to feel like this the entire holiday season. And I'm losing any kind of hope that I'm going to feel anything else.

Sob....

I know. I said I wasn't going to talk about it here.

Fuck it. I could start another book but I'd just talk about him there too. So?

Fuck. IT.

I'm gonna make some damn tea and put the boxes away and just chill out. Maybe work.

I'm so tired lately. But no rest for the weary......

Boop.