Heart Break in Random Thoughts

I don’t know where i will go with this entry, but i should start with saying that my “heart break” is nontraditional. Last Friday and Saturday mornings i took an Eastern Philosophy and Yoga class and the teacher mentioned heart break in a completely different context ~ a heart breaking open ~ open to more love, peace, kindness, growth. I loved it and ever since i have been considering an entry here with that title.

This week has been momentous in a completely unexpected way. Completely.

So, to preface this, i have been uninterested in dating. I used to love to be on okcupid when single. It was fun, thrilling, distracting, sexy, etc. But now, its just been too distracting. I have been trying to find a community here in the Portland area, meeting people real time. Also, i have been on this spiritual path, and dating, chatting, etc is just too much. I have been on a quieter path, and the emotional ups and downs, and consequent addiction to the roller coaster....as well as the ego piece… It’s just too much. I really only want to make deep, significant connections with people now, whether that is spiritual, emotional, sexual, intellectual…

So, a little over a week ago i opened up my okc profile to help Dios change out some pictures. He had a couple on there that were unflattering and he is incredibly handsome. I accidentally left the profile open over night and got a message. Then, the spiral.... hahaha kidding. I fine tuned the profile a bit, adding a little secret code about the “vanilla” lifestyle that i am not longer interested in.

Last Friday i received a message from an alternative HS teacher in Portland. It was well thought out, funny, clever, just the right amount of flirty. We chatted on okc for the day and on Saturday morning exchanged #’s so we could text.

And now, it feels like we have been texting for months. Its crazy. I have been more honest, more open with Jamie than i have with anyone in a long time. I mean. What i mean is. The soul-baring honesty. I have told him about my spiritual journey, which i’ve not mentioned to anyone. As well, i have told him about all the personal transformations (or blossoming) that i have been experiencing over the past months. (a heart breaking of the gorgeous kind that i mentioned earlier).

We are meeting for the first time today. Both of us are nervous and excited. Though, we are aware that with this build up, its possible we don’t have all the connections needed to pursue a romantic relationship, but we have certainly built the foundations for a lifelong friendship.

There is more. Somehow he must have noticed, seen something in my profile, that led him to know my proclivities in the realm of kink. And he is my type.

Eeeps. Who knows what will happen from here.

Last updated January 15, 2016