so, bowie. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so as we all know bowie left us. now i’m not one to post about celebs’ leaving us but this.wow.

idinno........it’s funny cause when i was at the store earlier today I was thinking about 5 yrs. ago. i was 23. [i’m 28 now btw.28 damn]. and. that was the yr. I hung out w/ Michael and them. [oh ‘them’ being Alex, Taylor, Mary, Brittany, Rachel & Michael. and sometimes his mom Christy]. that was the yr. i’d spend hrs. in my bathroom cause i was too sick.from my anorexia. that was the yr. i snorted nutmeg. doesn’t do a whole lot for you btw. and when i snorted nutmeg i listened to Bowie. er when I was high off it rather. [oh and jefferson airplane.and i think maybe Hendrix too]. and ya know i was thinking that yeah i do miss it. I was this strong confident woman who.relapsed. who spent so much time in her bathroom cause she was sick.who had it all. who was somewhere she belonged w/ people she belonged.w/. it’s just.i mean there are both sides. yeah there were deeper issues and i think they knew. i mean how could they not have known what was going on.or at least that something was w/ how thin i was. but they never you know.it’s not that they didn’t care it’s that.they left the eating my eating pretty much up to me. no one was that invested in it i just now realised. no one fought w/ me about it.
Michael knew I’d been abused sexually I remember the night I told him. as had he. that’s something i’ve never told anyone. it feels like a whole ‘nother lifetime like another big chunk of my life. it’s hard to believe that actually was part of my life. I think this coming April I’m going to get at him. if I’m ready to then. just, idinno. to see if he still wants to be friends or not. and if not well I’ll thank him for being part of my life and for what he did as I have w/ his mom. [who btw i still haven’t heard from yeah i got at her a couple months ago on fb]. but ya know there’s a part of me that’ll always wonder.........if he’s in a better place w/ all that.or not and maybe i’m better off not knowing.
um anyway back to my orig. point which was Bowie. it’s always sad when people leave us even if we don’t personally know them.and i don’t. but to me.........see Bowie stood for people who were different. people who were weird and out there. and I always wanted to be one of those people even more than I already am. it’s embarassing to say the least.well to me it is.i don’t think i’ve ever admitted that.i like people who are odd in some way.and i was one of them all throughout my life. i was.you know different. and growing up that wasn’t always such a great thing no in fact it was the opposite. lady gaga represents that too I think. and Emilie Autumn for those who are familiar.they made it ok to be different and that’s why it this resonates w/ me.

Last updated June 04, 2016