Not The Real Him in Him

Another Him. I’ve had a lot of Him’s in my life.

In my Facebook memories, He popped up. I knew he would because I know the things I posted when he was around. I saw his new profile picture. I was curious.

He’s had a few new profile pictures. Even saw a picture of his mom. Since I’m not his friend I don’t know where his wife is. I can’t even find her anymore to see if she still has him as her husband. That’s how I found out about her.

That’s how I got him to stop calling me, texting me.

But when I think about the things I felt with him. Maybe it was a burning lust. I was trying to make him fit where he didn’t. There was always something I could never seem to put my finger on with him. I did love him in a way, but again, I think that white hot intensity that I felt was burning lust with loving overtones.

I wanted to be everything.
He wanted me to live in the shadows of women past.

I remember he told me that he wanted me to learn a particular song because a few other women heard this song and said it was him. I told him, I don’t want to sing no recycled ass song some other women think you represent. I will dedicate a song that I think you are to me and make that your song from me.

This is why I have issues of not ever being enough for someone.
Even with the HIM this book is about, I liked me regardless and that made me feel at ease, beautiful, special until he perhaps started comparing himself to other people and that in turn made him compare me and that made me feel less than. I don’t want to be compared to anyone as a how I should be.

Love me just for me.

Anyway…I was just thinking.
Not curious enough to speak to him.
Not curious enough to reach out to him.
Not curious because the scar he left on me was immense.

I don’t need anymore scars…