What You Think Of Me in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Do you ever just enter this phase where you think everything is just incredibly stupid? I’ve been told that I have a reputation for being elitist and snobby, which I don’t necessarily think is accurate, I’m just serious about everything. What people don’t understand is that while I take everything serious, I don’t necessarily consider it life or death.

The problem is being here for the holidays. There are two things that cause me great anxiety and displeasure, the holidays and my mother. When you combine the two, there’s going to be a problem. The holidays seem to exacerbate my mother’s perception that I’m selfish, which I have to say, I’m okay with. I don’t mind being perceived as selfish by her because it becomes an excuse for not having to engage with her when really I think her requests are being unreasonable.

She actually had a fit when I wouldn’t help her with moving her Christmas decorations because it is finals week. She simply said, “You always go to class! You can’t miss just one? You’re so selfish!” That’s really her way of thinking. I’m a selfish asshole because I am choosing to take a final for which I have been studying for weeks as opposed to move her endless boxes of yule and tulle.

So it’s my fault and she becomes short and boasts to everyone how she’s “disappointed” in me. My mother has such a skewed opinion of me that I honestly don’t know how to respond to her any longer.

Enough of that, though. Over the past few weeks, my friend Garett has been flirting with me. I don’t quite know what to make of it. I mean, I’ve known Garett for 11 years, and we’ve become better friends over the last couple of years. I’ve always thought Garrett was attractive and we would run into each other at random times and places.

Back when I was doing stand-up, I would run into him in West Hollywood. He’d work weekdays in Sacramento and then work weekends in West Hollywood. I remember thinking he was crazy, but I was doing the same commute most of the time. Working weekdays for the county and then do my weekends in comedy. Garett was one of the only people who knew about it and he kept it quiet. He asked me to ghostwrite his charity roast this past summer, which I found surprising because most people doubt my ability as a comedian. There were quite a few drag queens who were unhappy with me writing jokes for them, but Garett calmed them.

Garrett had always seemed older and out of my league. His sarcasm was completely masterful and he puts up with absolutely no bullshit from anyone. Whenever people say that we have a lot in common, I take it as a great compliment. I don’t know what I’m saying.

Everything is a blur, I just finished finals. My mother makes me scream, and a guy I consider out of my league is hitting on me.

In the midst of all this, I wonder what it would be like if I didn’t think of my life as temporary.