apathy. and evan. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so i’m rather apathetic a person at times. and in regards to evan i’m not choosing to be. no in fact i care about him more than i care about anyone and let me tell you it’s pretty bloody exhausting at times. this is one reason i don’t care that much about others. i love him but god he’s hard to be friends w/ at times. whereas w/ other i choose not to show i care.that much.
no but like ok. w/ our fight the other day. last sat. he was telling me how something about how some of his happiest moments were w/ me and i just.didn’t take the bait. and the reason i didn’t was bc of my depression/ptsd. and untill he called me earlier today i didn’t know........if......like that was it and we weren’t going to talk anymore or.what. but it’s not. not that i knew that prior to him calling.
even though it’s not my fault i still feel bad about it though. he doesn’t deserve someone like that and yet here we are. and that’s the reality of it. [yes i’m hard on myself i know].