glamorous.the life i used to have.the star.people came to see. grizabella. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

copied from my fb:

‘yeah so i’m.not glamorous anymore. [this isn’t a a physical thing and 2 don’t try and convince me otherwise cause it won’t work. also that’s not what this is about]. no um the other day for the first time in like. seemingly a long time i was thinking about the life i used to have. before i screwed things up. i used to do things ya know? i experienced life.things. [and believe me those experiences weren’t always good. imean i drank a fukton for one. and. well anyway]. i went to the bar. i performed. no i didn’t just sing i performed. i was this big bold thing this........this act almost that people came to see. i was the star. well in my mind i was. and now it’s all understudies in a sense. sorry but the star, as it were, hasn’t been there in a long time. and now i’m grizabella. it’s like the song says. if you touch me you’ll understand what happiness is. cause when i’m happy. omygod i’m so godamn happy. if you’re around me. yeah you’ll feel that.

god i used to be so..........just so alive. and i miss that i miss who that was who i used to be. i don’t experience things in the way i once did. i was once described as being ‘full of life’ and i’m just.maybe not anymore. my fire’s gone out. [types the leo].’

idinno if this sounds weird or not but i miss being alive. in that way.

i don’t really want advice, or anything though if you relate then go ahead and tell me. [please].