The One Brought to you by the Letters C & F in Stuff I Would Tell My Best Friend

Dear TCF,

Got your text on Tuesday morning. I was busy so I didn’t respond until I wasn’t busy on Tuesday night after you were long in bed. You have not responded. I know that you got the package I sent for Christmas…on Monday. So no thank you? Would say I am surprised but you never did thank me for your son’s birthday gift way back in September. Can’t wait to see what you ordered for me last minute from Amazon. You know the order you placed on Tuesday after you got my package and didn’t thank me.

Hope you all enjoy your individual gift cards this year because next year I plan on sending you a board game via Amazon (prime because I roll like that) and a gift card for a restaurant. Family gift! I am done spending more money on twats like you than I do on some members of my own family. Actual blood relatives that I claim.

I sort of wanted to send you another email (still no response on that first one) with every Star Wars spoiler I can find inserted in like little easter egg explosions. By the way, I have gotten over that fleeting desire to watch the Star Wars movies because they look boring and convoluted as fuck.

In case you are wondering Princess Cunty Bitch is being extra cunty this week. She’s might have her diamond encrusted wand shoved up her butt. She hasn’t said too much to me other than how tired and busy she is. You know because you and she are the only people the world revolves around. Can only imagine what the competition would be like if you were still around. Mrs. Roper would surely be out in the opening minutes, but you and PCB would be fighting to the death of “who has it worse”. Fucking drama cunts that you are.

Can you figure out what the F is in your new name????

Hugs from a rabid festering Donald!

~Me