December 15th and 16th in 2015

Yesterday, the 15th, went rather dully. As was to be expected. I had no classes, and relatively few notebooks to grade, which wasn’t a bad deal. I got a lot of work done on the role playing game. I’m also convinced that one thing that is bothering me is eye fatigue from using the computer as much as I do. It would explain why I’m so constantly experiencing those symptoms. I mean, there are other possibilities, but . . . it seems to make sense. Now, I just need to figure out where to buy anti-glare glasses here without knowing how to explain them. I’m now going to make it a point of typing as much as I can with my eyes closed, or, at the very least, looking away from my screen. Forgive me if typos abound. Of course I’ll spell check, but sometimes Word doesn’t catch everything, and I have to catch it on PB, and sometimes I don’t catch what PB catches. Also, sometimes I may just have the wrong words. Let’s see if this helps at all. I suppose it’s really frustrating because I hate editing on this thing. Still, maybe it’ll make some kind of difference.
In fourth period, I was asked to help the special education class to make kimchee. It was an odd experience. I surprised everybody by being pretty handy with chopping and dicing. Well, I worked in a minshuku and I was a waiter. Still, it’s not the kind of idea that transmits very well. Then came lunch. I ate with 1-3, which was fine. They were more fun than I remembered/had expected. Usually I don’t like eating with first years because they’re usually the most scared of me. These kids were . . . entirely too familiar. Still, better asking me about filth than sitting in stony silence.
After school, I went home, wasted time, and then went to tea ceremony. It was part of the big class run by the town. I wanted to skip out, but it was the last day. I also figured that Sam wouldn’t want to go and as we’d both signed up, one of us should probably attend. It was extremely dull, and I think I embarrassed myself. I’m not entirely sure, but I thought, at one point, that the tea teacher may also have been my kimono teacher, and I think I mentioned something to that effect, but I think that my case of mistaken identity may pass off as simply bad Japanese. It’s hard with baachan that you don’t see very often. I’ve a horrible memory for people, and it seems to be getting worse every year. Anyway, then I went home, and I wasted even more time on the computer, but mostly reading. Also, I did a decent amount of editing for Simona’s CV and CL. So, at least I got that accomplished. I also played a bit of guitar.
In trying to listen to ASMR, I found that it was not working. I think that either I’m getting sick of it, I’m in no mood for it at the moment, I need some decent headphones, or, I should use it to relax prior to trying to sleep. It’s like my brain rejects the notion of sleep and any time I start to get sleepy, I pop back awake with this whole, “You tried to trick me, you bastard!” scream inside of my head. I’ll listen to ASMR, I’ll get tired, I’ll then get uncomfortable, and then I’ll adjust myself, and suddenly BAM! “What’s that, you wanted to sleep? Screw you!” Anyway, I think I just need to get to bed earlier.
I’m having a hard time remembering just why it is that I think that I’m so busy most of the time. I really don’t seem to be. Even yesterday, I just kind of wasted time. I did some editing and some cleaning and some various things, but, in the end, most of my issues seem to be poor time management.
I still haven’t gone back on my sleep meds, and I don’t think I will for a while yet. I’m still tired every day, but it’s a different kind of tired, and it’s one that I feel is a lot healthier, for whatever reason. I don’t feel as . . . heavy? Maybe that’s the word I want. I don’t’ know how to explain it. There are different kinds of sleepy, and I’ve got names for them that are very expressive for me, but I don’t know how they translate to anybody else, especially to those lucky bastards who can sleep. For a long time, my sleepiness was heavy. It was the kind of sleepy that sank into every part of your body. Like the wet cold of Asia. However, this kind of tired is like the dry Michigan cold. It’s strong, but it hits the outside first. I mostly feel tired in my eyes and in my head, which is one reason I suspect that screen fatigue may be a bit part of everything. Anyway, it’s a better kind of bad, and that’s a key thing.
I talked to Courtney for a long time yesterday. Relatively speaking. In my recent rough patch, I was withdrawing, and busy, so I hadn’t talked to her much. It felt good. I resented my job for getting in the way of my social life. This happens very rarely, I usually prefer my job, but a good conversation with Courtney after a long dry spell, especially when that dry spell is a rough patch, is an opportunity too good to pass up. Sadly, I had to. Stupid job. And having one.
The weather is getting colder again, but it’s not nearly as cold as it was during that one patch. I’m sure there’s a window open somewhere in this office, though where exactly I could not say to save my life. They love to open them . . . why? Why, when everybody is complaining how cold it is, do people feel compelled to open the room up to the frigid outdoors? I will never understand this bizarre quirk of Asia.
I just did a class with Inori sensei, wherein I sang John Lennon’s Christmas song. Man, let me tell you, I’d never looked at the lyrics, but it is grating. The guy could write a catchy melody, but . . . stop beating me over the head with the blunt end of the premise, to quote Strong Bad. I have two more classes with her today. Just enough to make sure I can’t get my stuff done, but I’m not doing anything useful enough to not be bored. Finished her notebooks, though, and that’s a mercy anyhow.
Just taught the second of my three Inori classes. So, that was rather more interesting than I had had reason to hope. However, this entry is getting insufferably dull.
I have a desire to write about more significant things. Obviously the trivia of my life is somewhat significant, though it is, by definition, trivial. However, whenever I have the desire, I either don’t have access to a computer, or I simply don’t have the time. It’s problematic. Highly problematic. I wanted this diary to be more reflective of my actual daily existence, but, I feel that it’s losing out by not being a repository of thoughts anymore. I’m inclined to create a book of just “Thoughts” on here, but that seems odd. The idea that I can break up my life into neat little booked categories is somehow encouraging and unsettling. I’m not sure what to make of it, or what to make of my hesitancy to embrace it.