And it Begins in 2015

Today is the first of the visitations day. I have tried to be strong and hold up for Betty as she is having a really rough time. I watch as she sways and nearly falls. I know like me she’s not sleeping well and I’m sure she’s not eating. Of course I only ate two meals yesterday so guess I shouldn’t talk. I have had a bit of breakfast with a few of meds. Still no word for SSI or SSA which means no word from medicaid, which means the med list has gotten lower and lower. Finances are low or near to nothing. Robert hasn’t worked a full week in a while now. CJ isn’t able to go back to work. The day this week that Heather would have had the kids she watches is the day of the funeral. Shawn hasn’t heard anything on his disability either. He has no use of holding or feeling anything in the right hand that they did a carpel tunnel surgery on. He went back to the surgeon to be told there is nothing else they can do. So I will not take from the small amount that’s coming in as bills have to be paid. We’ve had some help from the church on the mortgage if not for them I fear we would all be homeless.

I wrote this on my facebook wall yesterday, I am going to attempt to write it up and let Pastor Webb read it at Mom’s funeral. I have some pics but I have to put them in photobucket before I can share them here which means I have to actually be able to stay online more than 10 minutes. So anyway now that you’ve gotten to here with all my troubles that I’m sure your tired of hearing about here is the piece I wrote:

I lay my head down to sleep and I wake within a few hours thinking of all the things I didn’t get to say. Of how I remember when you told me “When their little they step on your toes and when they are grown they step on your heart” I took those words so lightly when you told them to me but now as a Mother I know they are the truth. Of how I remember of something I did wrong and my punishment was a chair at the storm door watching as my friends were out at play. Did I ever tell you that that was one of my worse punishments. Not that they were that often as you raised us with a very soft hand but the look you gave told us how disappointed you were of something done wrong and we knew how not to cross that line when that look was given. I knew that I could come to you with anything at all and knew deep in my heart that you would never tell a soul. You were my Best Friend. I sit now thinking of all those things I might have forgotten to say but know you will hear them anyway. You were always there for us no matter what giving us your strength, love and care. The nights you sat up with us when we were sick or the many sleepless nights you had taken care of us. My heart aches so much knowing you are gone but also knows that you are no longer in pain no longer suffering and also knowing that you are there in Heaven with all those that went before watching over us yet still again as an Angel keeping us safe from harm. You were a great Mom and I know that there is a piece of my heart that went with you when you left us. I wish I could have been just a few minutes earlier so that I could have told you one last time that I loved you very much. I won’t and can’t say goodbye I will only say I will see you soon and know your there waiting for me to join you. Rest In Peace Mom I love and miss you so much.