Whataya want from me? in My Unpredictable Life ...

Issue number One

hangs head

sigh

Work. Work, work, work, work, work. So apparently the 4 days on, 4 days off is a no go.

Because ...

Because Shelia can't afford to only have 3 days pay the weeks she would only work 3 days while I was working the 4 days.

So even though I've been working here 2 months longer than Shelia, she gets seniority over the schedule?

Yeah, no.

Think it is time to throw in the towel and admit defeat. Another local hotel is looking for full time day shift so I think I will be heading there after I leave work at 7 am this morning.

Although, because I'm glutton for punishment, I'm going to throw one more offer on the table. If that is shot down also ... buh-bye.

Why I am bothering, I don't know. I hate to admit defeat. I hate to allow a child to get the better of me. Not that 24 (or 47 or 76) is considered a child but if you are going to act the part then the numbers are just that, numbers. I really do like the work environment here, employees aside. I love the convenience of home to work. But at least no one will be able to say I didn't go down without a fight.

So here's to hoping ....

Issue number Two

Since I can't access that other site I'll have to give a brief history leading up to today's current events for those of you new to me. My long time readers may remember me discussing this but may find a "refresher" ... well, refreshing.

Long story somewhat short ....

2+ years ago, while still stationed in SC I had a falling out with a bunch of so-called friends. Just out of the blue, it was decided that I needed to become Public Enemy #1 and one girl, Tasha, made me her priority to trash talk and throw under all kinds of buses. Tasha is one of those people who is not happy unless she is not happy. Someone or something make her happy? Oh hell no, she's got to put an end to that quickly. Since she had already "trash talked" everyone in base housing and there was no one left but me, well, over the course of a few days, I started putting 2 and 2 together and figured out what she was doing.

I'm the kind of person that if you wanna talk trash about me, go right on ahead. You are not hurting me one bit. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Not everyone is going to like everyone. As I was telling the few people who bothered to ask, "Why aren't you defending yourself? Why aren't you fighting back?" #1 - No point in us both looking like an ass. She obviously wants that privilege so she can go right on ahead making an ass out of herself. #2 - I don't have to defend myself. She is doing it for me. The more she talks, the less believable she becomes. She will prove my innocence with her actions so there is no point in me saying/doing anything. And in a matter of weeks, I was proven, by her actions, to be the believable party. The nail in her coffin was when she decided to trash my daughter on FB. There are just some things you don't do, and trash talking an innocent child is one of them and most people were disappointed in her when she did that. They felt that if she would stoop so low as to attack an innocent child, on FB no less, then maybe she wasn't such an outstanding character and maybe, just maybe, she was wrong as far as I was concerned. Most people apologized for their part in the whole mess. Those that didn't, oh well, your loss. Those that knew I was worth fighting for, fought to keep me in their life.

Then there was Del. Del and I were 2 kindred old souls. We were on the same wave length. Her and I would often go on outings, just the 2 of us, because we just needed a break from the childishness that surrounds military wives and our group that included Tasha. Our daughters played together. We had each other's back.

And then Del decided Tasha spoke truth. Del decided that she couldn't handle the drama that Tasha was dealing out and cut all ties with me. Dafuq? Tasha is the one creating the drama yet I get cut off? Anyway, I learned a long time ago to never beg people to like me, to never beg people to be my friend. It was her loss.

Even though it killed me.

God, I missed her. But I admit I enjoyed the karma that played out afterwards. Those that cut ties with me to jump on Tasha's bandwagon, only to have Tasha cut all ties with them, was a soothing balm to the sting of losing these so-called friends. Del was one of those. I have watched for the past 2+ years of Tasha ignoring these people, Del included, on FB. Most of them Tasha has even deleted. Why she keeps Del I'm not sure. But whatever.

This past September, almost 2 years to the exact date, I get a private message on FB from Del asking how I am doing. What? I replied, very generically that we were well and that we had moved & Hubby had retired. She replied back that she was happy to hear that and filled me in on her family. I replied back, generically and that was that. No more contact since then.

Thursday night I get a friend's request from her. The hell?

I have not accepted it yet. I'm sure if I continue to wait, she will eventually cancel the request. In the meantime, I honest to God can't decide if I want to accept it or not. If I am so hesitant, then that should be the answer, right? Part of me wants to accept it because I am a firm believer in letting bygones be bygones. But after what I just went through with losing my BFF of 23 years 2 months ago, why bother?

She was the one who cut all ties with me, without even talking to me about it first.

SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THE HONOR OF ME CALLING HER FRIEND, AGAIN!!!!

But everyone deserves forgiveness. Everyone deserves a second chance. We are all human, we all make mistakes. It is not my place to judge her for her mistakes.

Since we are now in different states, any friendship from here on out would never be the same as it was before due to the distance.

If I deny her request, am I denying her the chance to apologize to me? Why not apologize first, then send the request?

All these damn questions. All these damn emotions. I'm still too raw to feel confident in allowing someone who I was once close with, to come back into my life and give them the chance to do it all over again.

If I wasn't good enough to fight for back then, why in the hell am I good enough now? Is it her guilty conscience doing all this? What ever happened to a good old fashioned, "I'm sorry I hurt you." "I'm sorry I didn't trust in you."

What would you do?

Till next time ....