I Missed My Calling in meh...

My latest obession is The Carpenters.
This is what happens.

I watch a documentary about an artist and become enamored with the subject. I see and feel their struggles and emotions and I identify with them. I hear the sounds they make and recognize their genius and I am smitten. This sends me on a search for EVERYTHING, their history, all of that. I dive into their music on You Tube, look for news articles, it’s terrible.

Such as what has happened with The Carpenters. I watched the 1997 documentary of their career. It was part of the PBS pledge drive. I remember when she died, but back then I didn’t piece two and two together to know that’s who it was. I was like 9 years old in ‘83. I do remember watching the made-for-tv movie. I miss the way tv was back then. Anyway, I have special place in my heart for tight harmonies and passionate vocals and musical genius. Richard Carpenter was indeed that. Karen’s voice, for her to be so young and sounding so seasoned…absolutely amazing. And now, they are my obsession.

So I think about me and singing and how, with the correct support and guidance, and leadership and know how, I proably would be famous or at least be a has been by now, but I would be famous.Then again, I probably would be like Cobain or Prince. Either I will not be able to handle the stress of the fame or I would be a recluse. As goofy as I am and as welcoming as I seem, I am terribly shy. I am an introvert which is why it doesn’t bother me ALL the time that I am alone. So when I go to karaoke even after a few drinks, I’m still nervous to sing in front of other people. This Saturday, I attended karaoke at the bar on the corner for the first time. I had a long island ice tea but it didn’t kick in until after the 2nd one and that is not fair. My first song was Somewhere Only We know and I just had this nervousness in my chest. It’s ALWAYS like that. Singing for a new crowd and I feel this pressure to do well.

That’s my issue that I said is a long story. I don’t have fun for real at karaoke because I can sing. I can sing very well but I’m not a performer because I have awful stage fright. If I let my guard down and have fun then I will mess up. I can’t sing in front of people the way I sing by myself, not even when tipsy. I loosen up when it’s more than one person and I’m not in the spotlight. But a solo act? Not me. When I sing, I feel the words I’m singing. Even before I knew about being in love and suffering heartbreak, I would be breaking down Mary Had a Little Lamb in the bathroom getting ready for school and everyone would be mad because I woke them up. LOL But such is what I do and who I am. I put on concerts in my bedroom singing into a TCB oil sheen can standing in front of the mirror acting as if I was singing to an audience. I was cool then. My range was wonderful. I would be great. But I didn’t have encouragement for real. I didn’t have the proper guidence on moves to make to get famous. My mom bought me a guitar, but no lessons. By the time I was getting to a point of playing by ear, someone broke strings on it. They weren’t replaced. I put in fishing wire on it and of course it wasn’t the same. Next thing you know the other strings got broken (I didn’t do it) and that was that. My guitar disappeared. Don’t know where it went because I would have kept it and found a way to replace the strings and learned how to play. I would have been a multi-instrumentalist and I would have been famous because I have the right amount of humilty and humbleness. I know it doesn’t seem like that now, but that’s how it is.

When I watch documentaries, I often think that could be me, that could have been me in both the good and the bad ways. I have a passion for music, a wonderful ear for music. Since I missed this calling, I’m going into something else.

Thanks for listening to my fanciful flight.

Take care of yourself…

Kindest regards,
Sister