December 9th through 15th in 2015

December 9th through 15th. It’s strange to think that it’s been a week since I updated. Well, nearly. Let’s fix that.
On the 9th I had Ebihara Sensei, which was dull. I don’t remember much of what I did, which is usually in andication that I didn’t do very much. On the 10th and 11th, I taught at Sashi and Hirakawa. Very pleasant, both. I had a really good time with the kids. As I always do. Having two classes with kids was really after a rough week because, if only for a moment, I can count on them to be good for me and to cheer me up. The more I’m here, the more I love kids and love teaching them, which has made me consider whether or not maybe I’d like having one someday. Still, I realize that I’m more of an “uncle” style teacher than a “dad” style teacher. I pop in and out of the classrooms and the students’ lives. Last night (the 24th) I was accosted by an Eshin kid who started climbing me in Plasse. It was adorable. I also bumped into some Tomarino kids, one of whom was thrilled to see me and one of whom was embarrassed beyond belief. Again, it’s the reaction you get when you’re not a regular player in a child’s life. I don’t know what it’d be like when you’re regular. The closest I got was with Jerry in China, where we were together twice a week, or, at Shane, where it was weekly lessons with the kids. I do miss some of those kids still.
Anyway, the weather had improved somewhat, which lifted my spirits somewhat. Tea ceremony on Friday was remarkably alright. I’m dreading it more and more before, but finding that I’m starting to enjoy it (somewhat) during. I’m also getting better at sitting seiza. Either that or it was just a good day (I’ve got good days and bad days). Also, at some point in time, I went off of my sleeping medication. I’ve decided not to go back on for a while. It didn’t seem to be doing a lot for my sleep, and I was exhausted all day in a heavy and unpleasant way.
Saturday was busy. I got up and first went to kimono class. I’d missed the first two, once because I’d misunderstood the schedule and once because of the Izumi trip, and this was my first one. I impressed everybody by doing a pretty decent job. Which they hadn’t expected. Also, everybody was amazed at how my body works well in kimono. It’s clothing designed for the short legged, broad shouldered, and pot-bellied. Bam. That’s me. Still, it was super fun. There was a relatively pretty girl from Sendai in our class who, of course, Sam hadn’t talked to in any of his three weeks with her. I will bother her next (this) week. Last week, she was in training for a kimono race in Nagasaki. Apparently that’s a thing: it’s a race to see how quickly you can get dressed in a full kimono. Oh Japan. Anyway, then I went to guitar and had a terrible guitar lesson, but a wonderful time. I was so stressed, and I hadn’t practiced in two weeks, that I was just sucking everything. Take Sensei spends a lot of time being a Japanese Jedi Master of guitar and telling me how to calm down and focus and all that stuff. Well, he did such a good job that I told him that he should be a psychologist. Apparently he actually is/was a counselor and is currently looking for more work in that field. I told him, in my broken Japanese, that I was surprised, but also I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t learn much, I didn’t get much done, but I had a great time, and he helped to calm me down from a very dark time. Finally, I had my long delayed dinner with the chief of police. It was something that I’d been putting off for some time, but that, when it happened, was honestly wonderful.
Hamasaki Shigeru is the chief of police in Satsuma. He is a short, gentlemanly, country squire of a townsman who has a friendly and unassuming grace and bearing that would do anybody credit. He has this amazing way of making you feel at ease. It turns out that I was to be guest/entertainment for a family gathering. He was inviting his niece over, who actually studied in Grand Rapids for a year in high school, and also his son, daughter in law, and two granddaughters. I played ukulele, then, his granddaughter pulled out a guitar (she’s about seven) and was amazed when I played. Then I did a small turn on the piano with my meager skills. I promised them card tricks for next time. There was something about singing, and drinking, and feeling like part of a family. Shige-chan, as I am to call him (his wife is now Hama-mama, and I am Ozurin) is big on hand shaking and hugging, and the physical contact was just so nice! I love hugs! That’s one of the things I like about kids. That’s what I loved yesterday when I was tackled by the Eshin rug rat. There’s just something comforting. Well, anyway, I had a great time.
Sunday, I had a lazy day instead of the productive one I’d wanted, but it wasn’t a guilty, self-hating lazy day. It was a de stress day. I slept. A lot. I rested up. I’d been wound up so tightly that I was just an unpleasant, self-hating, mess. I ate too much, I slept too much, I smoked too much, and I played computer games and watched Star Trek clips ad nauseum, but I felt a lot better. On a related note, no cigarettes until New Year’s. Migraines are gone, and I think they’re a valid treatment for migraines or neurological imbalances, but can’t make a habit of them. Also, that vape pen I bought . . . don’t like it, so I haven’t bought a refill. Which is nice. I was worried.
Monday, I got up, and I went to Tomarino. Not my favorite girls to teach (two girls in the 6th grade class, with a teacher who seems to not like me very much), but I love the school. For one thing, the grounds are beautiful. It’s situated at the edge of a promontory, and looks out over a beautiful valley. It’s also near the big mountain separating us from Izumi. The vice principal is so kind, and the smaller kids are so adorable. I had so much fun at recess. Bumping into two student playmates that night just made everything better. I didn’t get as much accomplished as I wanted to on Monday. I did, however, finally buy the desk I’ve been wanting for three months, and I did get most of my recyclable containers washed, and so that was two things I can point to and say, “I did that!”
My clothes are feeling looser again, though I haven’t had the courage to weigh myself. I’m about to switch back to the belts I bought before my recent bout of gaining. I haven’t been walking as much as I should, but, one thing I’ve managed to do is to cut down on my breakfast intake. I cut 300 calories out of breakfast, and was amazed at the result. I’m no hungrier at lunch than I otherwise would be, and I can have a more reasonable dinner. Or, have the flexibility to accept the various omiyage snacks that I’ve got to eat every day. I did go on a walk last night, which was nice, and I’d like to get back into it, but I think I’m also getting used to a drastically lowered calorie count. Still, I had a lot of people recently comment on how I look as though I’ve lost weight (except Shige-Chan, bless his honest soul), but I wonder how much of that is just hair and beard maintenance. We’ll see.
I’m feeling better. Those few weeks there were dark. And I was worried. I’m still worried, and there’s still a lot of stress and trouble, but I’m doing better. For whatever silly or random reason. I can’t name a single thing that changed or improved. I’m still pretty doubtful on my future prospects, but, for whatever reason, or no reason, everything got a lot more randomly bearable.
There were a few other things I was going to add.
Oh! Found out that my vacation is a LOT shorter than I’d thought. Apparently it’s only the 26th through the 3rd. I’m allowed to take personal days off, but, I’m banking those for the summer. Unfortunately, that means that I’m going to have about a week of BOE days while school is out. We were frankly encouraged to take off the 24th and 25th, because then the school district then makes sure we’re using our days off when there are no classes, but . . . I want to bank them. I’m dreading it, but, I’m wondering of maybe I may not use this time to get some writing done.
It’s looking like maybe, just maybe, this role playing game is finally going to get off of the ground. Maybe. I’ve said this plenty of times before, but this time it looks pretty freaking promising. I’m writing tons of backstory for the world. These backstory guides are adding up to be a massive volume of work, and it’s a fun universe, and something I want to explore. The thing I wrote, a few months ago, that Courtney described as, “The most readable thing you’ve ever written,” was set in this world. It’s making me want to write more, as I write more. Today, I’ve got tons of down time at work. Well, at least, I have no classes. Ebihara doesn’t have classes/doesn’t need me. So I’m on notebook duty. If I have notebooks for just her and Matsumoto, then I’ll be sitting pretty. No real worries, no real problems. However, if Inori also wants me to work . . . then the day is over. I think I’ve mentioned that Inori does weekly collections, meaning that I’ve got six to eight pages per student versus the one to two of Ebihara or Matsumoto.
Oh, amusingly enough, I’ve got new incentive to clean the apartment: Hirayama Sensei wants to make an inspection soon. It makes sense, I suppose: the house IS BOE property, but it makes me feel like even less of an adult, which is saying something.
A little over two pages for a little under a week. I’ve written far more about far less and made it a great deal more entertaining, but this suits the purposes of my record. I have had some odd and obscure rather profound thoughts randomly smack me. I have had some rather interesting ideas, but they’re hard to squeeze out. Somehow, for whatever reason, when the time comes, everything escapes me.
A few quick things I remembered before I go.
One: I watched a video of Evangeline (my second Chinese girlfriend) and me. It was bizarre. I can barely remember that life. I feel so removed. The night before, in an ASMR thing, I was supposed to imagine a date, and, when scrambling to imagine a date, I was going through the litany of exes, and it occurred to me this morning that neither Evangeline nor June made it onto the list. I always forget about them, especially Evangeline. That life, that me, doesn’t seem real. She doesn’t seem real. None of it seems like anything that I can be a part of or can relate to. I don’t understand. How can my relationships from eight years ago seem more immediate than my relationships from three years ago? Why do I still think about these things at all? Hard to imagine. (For the record, in the end, for the guided relaxation, I imagined a date with my female opposite from Millie, who recently got engaged, sadly).
Two: I had another odd dream with Arielle. I actually attempted to skype her, and I asked her brother, and Ben Townsend to ask her to allow me to contact her. No luck. She was performing. It may have been at my old church, or maybe another concert venue, but I saw her. And I stared down at her. And she tried to ignore more, and felt very good about herself for refusing to acknowledge me as I can crawling back (expressive face + dream clairvoyance). Then, she turned to me and smiled. And we communicated, somehow or other, through looks. I don’t understand much or remember the specifics. Still, whenever I dream about someone a lot, I tend to take note. Why her, I don’t know. It makes no sense to me.
I know I said I’d wrap this up, but one more milestone: Although some of it is formatting, this entry has now carried me over one hundred pages. One hundred and two. I’ve over 71K words. It’s strange to think at how much I’ve written in these last few months. Almost exclusively in here. Now that I’m feeling better, expect more writing. Until the next collapse.
-Me 9:22 12/15/15
Editor’s note (my note). I realized that I had intended to mention two strange dreams. The other was that the end of the world was coming, and God lived nearby. And a lot of stuff in apocalyptic scripture was happening literally to me. I was beating on the door trying to get in, but it wasn’t working. I was kind of admitted, but kind of not. Even as I knew the world was ending, and I saw God, I couldn’t quite bring myself to really believe. Sounds like a fair assessment, sadly.

Last updated December 14, 2015