so my other decision. dr., my mom. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so. i’m seeing my psychologist today. the last time i saw her was the.........it was either the 24th or the 17th of last month. and we talked about my mom. and stuff that between us. er. i mean what happened. and one option in order for me to get to a better place w/ that was to bring my mom in so we could all talk about it. yeah but i don’t know how good that would be for me. i mean it would just bring up that stuff again, so.
my psychologist once told me she’s only willing to work as hard as i am which i’m not used to. people doing that. it’s like oh you’re not going to work harder. um ok this is a surprise. so i keep expecting her to do more but if i want that then i should do more. but i literally don’t know what that means exactly. like do more of what? of the assignments she gives me or..........? and we don’t do excercises. well i don’t mean calistenics although we also don’t do those. no i mean psychological excercises. which is also weird. before she told me that the willing to work thing i thought it’d be like ok so i bring in a topic and we talk about it and then we do psychological excercises. the last time i saw someone like this was in college, so.
getting back to my decision. also i’m probably the least outwardly expressive person i know and i don’t go into my deep feelings w/ my mom, so. i think i’ve decided i probably won’t do this. she didn’t say anything either way about it. also i’m backing down as usual bc of how uncomfortable it makes me. yeah but at the same time if i don’t think it’s going to be what’s best for me, then.