Robin in After OD

I've never let the death of a celebrity tear me up like this one has. I didn't know him, but it sure felt like I did. I grew up watching his movies and he made me laugh like no other, and I guess that earned him a place in my heart.

I don't think I'd be taking this so hard had he died of natural causes. But the fact that he took his own life is just ripping me apart. It hurts so much to know that he could bring all of us such great joy, but as funny as he was, he couldn't laugh at himself.

I think the hardest thing for me to understand is that even though I've suffered from depression for most of my life, I cannot even begin to understand how he felt. I can't fathom how bad life was for him to not want to live anymore. It makes me hurt that he was hurting so bad.

I wish I could say that I'll find comfort in his movies, and he'll live on through film and continue to make me laugh. And that may be true some day, but I think watching him now will be difficult because all I'm going to think about is the pain hidden behind the laughter.