Growth Hurts in meh...

When I look back and see the friendships that I’ve had and see how they have deteriorated, it hurts. Those same friends that have done for me as I have for them, but. I went the extra mile.

I’ve been told since I was a child I lived in a fantasy world. I just watched a lot of tv but knew better. As good as the fantasy feels, I’m grounded in reality. I’ve written it before. I am alone because I’ve pushed people away but that only occurs when I stop following their lead. Like what I want to do and things I like are stupid or weird. No one does them, but I do what they want.

When my former best friend uses “And you?” When I text her, I know she is bothered. It makes me wonder why I even keep trying.

20+ years of friendship made irrepairable by misunderstanding and a need to dominate.

Thing with me is I don’t mind a big gathering of friends as long as we all know each other and will hang out together, but I am super cool with having a few intimate friends hanging one on one. I don’t seem to let people in much. People make me nervous. Maybe I like to be a mystery, an enigma. I don’t know.

All I know is that I am the same me but I’ve changed and most of the folks I started on my journey with are no longer around. It is lonely. I’ve got my son, but what about when he leaves, then what? I still haven’t met “the man of my life” so I’m feeling a little bleh. Lol

Don’t mind me today though. My cycle forDecember is on the way. I’m in my feelings for the moment. Lol

Take care.

Kindest regards,
Sister