the ft. morgan blues in poetry

I’ve never tried uppers because I know
I’d spend a few months the happiest I’ve ever been
I’d finish a few novels all at once
I would be getting thinner and productive and reaching my potential
I would go on like this for a few months
then my heart would stop from the drugs and I’d die
this is what would happen if I ever got into uppers
I know this
I know it like I know my double jointed thumb
I know it like my birthmark in the shape of Australia
if I tried uppers you’d get a few months of peak Mike
then I would die

you’d get to see me at my best
for four or five months
oh God I’d be so dashing and inspiring
I’d be so useful and charming and good
then I’d be dead
I’d rather be alive than my best self

I’ll drink alcohol just to be social
though I don’t really care for it
other than the taste of a high-end stout beer
or a really good shot of vodka
but that’s a downer

I take benadryl pills to sleep at night
but that’s a downer and an antihistamine

I’ve smoked dope a few times in my life
to let my head shut down and reboot
like hitting power and reset at the same time
on an old school Nintendo machine
but dope is a downer and a very mild hallucinogen

I’ve never tried uppers because I know
I would burn out so brightly but
I’d rather be alive and inconsistent instead