Poisoned in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

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The day has only just begun and I’m already fighting a darkness and rage that exhausts me. Weekend had a lot of ups, too, so that just gets more annoying.
UP: Wife was able to beg/borrow/bellow her way into getting this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. So we’ll get to see my family after all. More importantly, we’ll get to attend our niece’s baptism.
UP: I got to play Pathfinder with some buddies on Saturday. Played for 4 hours. It was enjoyable.
UP: I didn’t have to be at work!
UP: I had sex this weekend!

DOWN: As expected, in order to have sex with me… Wife had to get herself so drunk she was basically an invalid the next day. While I know it is her issue, it still affects me in profoundly negative ways. Especially with everything else going on in my life… it still kind of stings to know that “the woman who loves me” can barely bring herself to say it and can only show it when she’s dangerously inebriated.

DOWN: My computer is dead, again. Fucking thing seems to be on its last legs just toying with me at this point. When I have no computer at home… everything gets shittier. No porn access, no social media access, no e-mail access, no netflix access, no youtube access, no net-gaming access. And of course… worst of all… no Job Hunt access. Which is particularly annoying right now because… of course, I sign on to the computer at work to check my e-mail… 7 positions opened up on the weekend. Now.... if I would want them, be qualified for them, or anything… who knows… can’t access them from this terminal. But… just really depressing, annoying, and aggravating. Because… how in the hell am I supposed to get a job when I can’t access that shit?

DOWN: This city is poison. It, like the rest of the world it seems, has gotten so “extremist” that it chokes me inside. I have friends on one side whose mantra is “Fuck everyone; focus on self.” I have friends on another side whose mantra is “Social Justice and Nagging and White Men Extinction is Good.” So… when I try to spend a week saying (another genuine post)
As long as we obsess over the things that make us different, we’ll never focus on the things that make us the same.
If we’re fighting each other over bread crumbs, we aren’t figuring out why we’re only getting bread crumbs.
Fill in the blank… the world is so consumed with fighting itself on every level that it seems solutions aren’t exactly forthcoming.
And the responses I get? More lecturing on Privilege. More lecturing how “trying to find similarities disparages those who are different.” More epic metric tonnes of absolute shit. Because… why? If we find ways we’re similar, join together against the darkness of the world, and then learn to appreciate each other’s differences and similarities… that is somehow bad for the world? Banding together against all the darkness and hate and foulness is… what? Culturally insensitive? I’m sick of this bullshit. Science Fiction writers used to believe that an Alien Invasion would bring about peace on our world because it would be an enemy we could all rally against. Well… hatred, terrorism… these are things that (at least most) can rally against. And even people who agree that terrorism and bigotry are bad? They’re fighting each other over “which words are microagressions” and what the appropriate way of framing the argument is. FUCK. THAT. If I can’t get support from a simple fucking sentiment like “Lets stop in-fighting and start finding solutions”… if the response from the “sensitive problem solvers” is “as an educated white male, your opinion on these matters is invalid.... how can I have any hope left in this world?

No wonder the election may come down to Trump v. Clinton. On one hand, you have an asshole that is paraphrasing Hitler who hasn’t had a good idea in decades… but people like him because he represents the very opposite of all this “PC Bullshit” that keeps getting crammed down their throat. On the other hand, you have an absolute monster. No, I’m not willing to stay silent when people say “You think that because she’s a female and a democrat.” NO. I think that because the majority of her financial backers are evil fucking corporations who have tried over and over again to negatively influence politics. I say that because she quite sincerely changes her mind every time a new poll emerges. I say that because if Clinton gets elected? That means (at 2020)… in 32 years of American History… only 3 families would have had Presidential Power. Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Clinton. As a citizen of the United States… that terrifies me. I realize this isn’t exactly a popular opinion… but the country shouldn’t be run by a small section of wealthy, well-connected Autocrats and Oligarchs. Trump is wrong for this country. Clinton is wrong for this country. But… where are the citizens? Who is speaking for the people?

Locally: With everything going on… mostly job, computer, relationships.... I feel like a kid trying to reach the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator. It is a hard reach and I use a stool to try to get there; but even the stool isn’t high enough but I keep reaching. And then every once in a while… someone walks by and kicks the stool out from underneath me.

Globally: A world gone mad… and I feel like I’m drowning in the sea of madness.